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How would you stop a family member's kid from fighting w/ your child?

My cousin has a little boy who is a year older than my son. He's always fighting w/ my son and hits and kicks him. My son NEVER fights back because we try to teach him to be respectful of other people. I've tried keeping them away from each other but it doesn't work. What should I do?? I don't know how to tell my cousin w/ out making her mad. When she gets mad the family gets mad at me like I'm trying to start stuff.

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a1987

Asked by a1987 at 3:17 AM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (7)
  • Start stuff or tell your son to haul off and punch this kid in the nose. Personally, I would choose the latter option. Being respectful is a great plan, but he also needs to learn to defend himself. And if this kid is beating on him, he needs to stand up for himself and make him back off.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 3:30 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I would not have my son around him anymore, and try to avoid him and his mom and dad and if they ask why I would tell them the reason why, its best to stay away from the m and avoid problems if there the type that get easily insulted. because thats exactly what happened with my son and my cousin's son he's 2 yrs older than my son and alwasy tried fighting with him because he got it from power rangers and ninja turles and all those hero movies, I dont let my son see crap liek that so he doesnt know how to fight yet. he barely turned 3 and I dont think fighting at that age is appropriate. so I just avoided them and my cousin asked my grandma why she hasnt seen me around and she told her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I'd do both. Tell your son that it is ok to defend himself when he needs to, but also keep him away from the child as much as you can. And when they ask why you are not letting him play with their son, tell them and tell them that YOU are offended that they would allow their child to hurt another child. Beat them to the punch with the "I am offended" card.
    RenaeMom3277

    Answer by RenaeMom3277 at 8:14 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Lord, do you not have him very often or have an awkward relationship with your cousin? I have kids over frequently (my friends kids, siblings kids, cousins kids...) and I've never had one problem telling them "Hey, I don't think so! Go sit on the couch...we don't hit!". Nor would I EVER have a problem with one of my friends/siblings/cousins making my daughter mind (much less stop HITTING someone!) if she is over at their house. Plus, I would want to know about any repeated problems my daughter had with other kids and I would hope they would tell me if she was being particularly obnoxious. That said, I know there are moms that want to be their child's best buddy, protect them from the world, and believe they would never do anything wrong...so depending on what kind of parent your cousin is, it would make a big difference.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:48 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • When my son was younger he had a cousin that would always hit and push him (they are the same age).
    We always told my son you may not hit first but you may defend yourself.
    It took a few times for the cousin to get it - but he did stop picking on my son.
    The other boy is a bully and the only way to stop a bully is to stand up to him.
    lanckn

    Answer by lanckn at 10:08 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I have gone through something similar to this and after agonizing over what to do, I told my son that if he had to hit someone that was hitting him first, that I would not get upset with him for defending himself. One time he was having a hard time walking and when I asked him what happened he told me his shoe was tight, so I took the shoe off and saw a huge bruise on the top of his foot, I started to cry and called the kids mom that night. "Boys will be boys" she said.


    After that I watched every movement between my son and the kid for days until I saw the kid slap my son. I went over to them and told my son to hit him back until he finally did. I would like to keep them separated, but I'm glad my son finally got over that initial fear of hitting the kid back.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Teach your child that it is ok to defend himself. Me personally my family has the right to put my child in her place and you have that right to tell another child to keep there hands to themselves and off your child. If his mom gets mad so be it. You wouldn't let a stranger push your child around so he wouldn't be any different.
    Se-Se

    Answer by Se-Se at 10:54 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

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