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Porn VS Wife

I've known my husband for years and through out all of those years, he's always preferred internet porn to me. When we dated I would sleep maybe 4 ft away naked and in bed and wake up to him with his pants down at the computer. This has always bothered me! Not the idea of him looking at other girls but just the fact that he would rather do that then be intimate with me. To say the least my-self esteem has dropped immensely and I always cry... I've asked that if he does it spend equal time on me at some point and to do it behind locked doors. He hasn't done any of this... I feel so hurt and it has broke us up in the past for a year. Now I'm married to him and wish I hadn't. He completely ignores me and goes for the computer every time. I'm considering a divorce.... Please any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:46 AM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • honey let me start with this. there is NO REASON that you should come second to internet porn. that is not right and you really shouldn't have to live with that. you deserve to be with someone who wants you, not their hand and a computer. my recomendation is get rid of this jackass. if he wants to spend his time jerking off to some big breasted bimbo on the net rather than making love to a woman that loves him, leave him and let him do just that... jerk off. find someone who loves you and loves being with you, both as a friend and intimatly.
    flying8balls21

    Answer by flying8balls21 at 4:14 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • >>I feel so hurt and it has broke us up in the past for a year.<<

    Why did you go back to him?

    Counseling, please. Go yourself if he won't go.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:22 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Men like porn. It has nothing to do with how much they like you, they just like porn too. And they like to masturbate. It is not because they don't want to have sex with you, it's just natural for them...

    It sucks that he is inconsiderate of your feelings, but thinking that he's going to give up looking at porn is just ... unrealistic.

    Also, one thing I had to learn the hard way with my husband, lying there naked is not the best way to spur his attraction. They get desensitized to it. Buy a cute nightie or negligee. Put it on in the bathroom, preferably WHILE he's looking at the porn, get all sexy out of his sight and then tell him to close his eyes. Then come out and strike a really sexy pose in front of him and tell him to open up. You might find that him having been looking at the porn will help!

    The most important thing is HAVE FUN!
    AnnieMcD

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 4:51 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I REALLY hate to say it but the poster above me is right. Men just LIKE porn. My husband is head over heels for me and thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive. But he still has fun watching porn. He doesn't jack off to it, just likes to get horny from it. It makes him lust for me and I love it. If I want to be the one to act dirty and make him lust then he is fine with that. He always prefers me over the comp. Sometimes I'll even get under the comp desk and pleasure him while he watches it. I think maybe YOU should find some porn YOU like and get a nice toy and see how he likes it. If it persists, then I think you should leave him. It sounds like he's an addict. There's a difference between someone like my husband who enjoys it sometimes, and a man who would rather whack it to porn then make love to his own wife. Porn addiction is REALLY hard to treat. I wish you all the luck in the world.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:22 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Men watching porn is very normal. I know alot of women have a cow because their men do it. If they are telling you they arent, they are lying. They all do.
    HOWEVER
    Sounds like your husband has an addiction to internet porn or some sort of sexual dysfunction where he feels he can get off better off a 2 dimensional personality then a real women. He may have issues with himself stemming from childhood and never having a good relationship with his mom or any woman. So he prefers the porn to real life interaction. Perhaps he was rejected alot? I would tell him to seek help for his problem and until he does dont go back.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:43 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • This does not sound like a case of simply being an average man who likes his porn now and then. He is ADDICTED to masturbating and using porn. If he wants to preserve his relationship with you, he needs to get help. His addictive behavior is no different than someone who uses drugs or alcohol. It prevents him from living a full and normal life with his partner. There are groups like Sex Addicts anonomous. But he has to admit to himself he has a problem. And from the sound of it, you are so hurt and fed up you might not be able to continue with him in this way. If you left him for a year for it before - he must have tried to reform in order to marry you. But he's back to his addiction now.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 10:20 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Answered at 7:43 AM on Nov. 23, 2008 by: gemgem
    If they are telling you they arent, they are lying. They all do.

    ok i don't know who you think you are saying that...my dh does NOT watch porn. he would rather be with me than watch that junk, and he knows how i feel about it. we've talked about this.

    as for the PP, i advise you to talk to him, let him know how you feel about it. Guys just don't think, so they don't realize they're hurting their spouse emotionally. maybe after you've told him, he'll stop, not watch it as much, or do as you asked. if it doesnt' stop then, IMO, you need to get some counsiling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Wait...you married him KNOWING this? Why?

    Talk to him and tell him what you need, he probably doesn't realize it. If he does? Go find a good therapist and get some help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • OK YOU GUYS WILL FELL THE SAME WAY IF YOUR NAKED IN THE BED IN YOU WAKE UP IN SEE YOUR MAN BEATING OFF. SO DON'T LIE. YOU WILL ASK HIM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS IF I AM 4FT AWAY FROM YOU? YOU WILL BE PISSED
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I think many women on this thread have just conditioned themselves into thinking that ALL MEN watch porn when that is simply not the truth. It's been proven that porn causes more relationship and personal problems than it does good. There is absolutely no justification for watching porn I could write a novel on why porn is a negative influence but I suggest that people do their own research.
    For the OP, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel bad. What he's doing is downgrading and disrespectful. I hold the same view as many psychologists that say, if your man is going outside the relationship to fulfill a need that should be met within the relationship then there's a huge problem.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 6:13 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

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