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Has anyone ever encountered an ex wife who is just mean? She does not even know me as a person and she has turned her children and other children in the house against me without even getting to know who or what Iam. I have reached my limitt with her. Any advise on how to handle the situation at hand?

I have a child of my own, and when I married my husband I knew about his 4 children. He has been married twice and I am the third wife. He has 2 children with the first exwife, who never gives me any problems at all. Basically we are very coderal to eachother. His second ex wife is another story. the have a 2 children together and lately the children have been with me more becasue of my husbands work schedule. They have absolutly no respect for me as an adult becasue they are told by their mom that they do not have to listen to me and that my child and I are not part of the family. It is getting difficult for me and I broke down and cried last nite. I need some advise on how to handle this situation before it gets worse.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 AM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (10)
  • There isnt much you can do other then talk to your dh and ask him to please address this situation with his kids. You cant control the ex at all or what she does or says, but your dh can tell his kids how he expects them to act while in his home. I know it can be hard & as an ex wife myself I often get the brunt of the blame when my kids say or do things regarding my ex husbands newest wife. He has been married 3 times also. This latest wife they really just dont take seriously. They dont see her as someone who is going to be there long term because their dad was married to me, common law married to their first step mom (who they love), had another long term 4 yr relationship with a woman they "liked" and now married this woman they hardly know & they cant stand her. Of course I get the blame, but I dont know her & its nothing to do with me. Its the kids. Maybe this is the same situation for you?

    Answer by gemgem at 8:26 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • You should go to counseling with your husband and children and his other children NOW. Do not balk at the cost. In the long term it will help defray the bad things that may be said about you. Your stress will start coming out in anger towards your husband and children if you do not get counselling. Please be proactive and do this for you and your family. Bless you and good luck.


    Answer by notjustmom213 at 8:30 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • The problem is that the children are young and they have verbally told me and my child that their mom has told them flat out they do not have to listen to me and that my child and I are not part of the family. I have rasied my child differently i guess becasue my child would never disrespect another adult figure or my foot would be in their rear end.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:33 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • there really is nothing you can do if its upsetting you this much and it doesnt sound like the daddy is home anyways then dont do the visitations with the about all you can do.....the issues are with her and you husband to deal with .......sorry i know that sucks but it is the harsh reality......

    Answer by cara124 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • If those kids are at the hose with you, they have to listen to you as you are the adult. Talk to DH and let him deal with this woman. She is jealous of the fact the he has moved on and is willing to hurt you in the process. There is nothing you can do until DH steps in.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:47 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I have been really stressing out about this. It was ok for almost a year now. All of the sudden these kids are totally disrespectful to me. I know they don't like that fact that when you walk thru my doors shoes are not to be worn in the house. They don't like that rule. No jumping on my furniture, the couches are like a year old and they are very nice. They don't like that rule either. No running in the house and playing ball in the house, some could get hurt or something can get broken. They don't like those rules so they make me out to be some sort of bad step mom. I know they complain to their mom about my house rules, but these are normal everyday rules. This is my home and if my own children follow the rules so should the they. They have total control at their moms house and they feel they should run my home, well that is not the way I work. Children are to listen to and respect the adult figure. Confused!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:20 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I'm sorry this is happening. it always gets me the way people put kids in the middle of things.

    Does this woman not realize that by telling her kids that they don't have to listen to you they could actually be putting them in danger?
    how can she possible think that's good for her kids to tell them that?

    can your husband help with this?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I have told my dh that he needs to put a stop to her childish behavior. My dh hates confrontation. I totally understand that , but since I am with them the majority of the time he needs to step in and tell them that my child and I are not going anywhere and that I am his wife and they are to listen when I tell them or ask them to do something. The ex wife told the children that their dad and I will eventually get divorced and they repeated it to me. I never realized what a nitemare this would be of being a step mom. I guess I was so use to my own child always listening and respecting other adults, Please don't get me wrong, my child does not walk on water,my child is entering a pre-teen and thinks they know everything, but I am proud of the fact that other parents compliment on how well my child behaves in their presence.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:09 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Your husband needs to address this issue, not you. She has made it clear that she doesn't like you and attemtping to confront her about it will just turn nasty. Your husband needs to speak to his children, let them know that the things she is telling them are not true. He needs to set the guidelines for your household with them. Let him know that since you are the primary care-giver while they are with you and him, he needs to set boundaries and make them understand they are to listen to you...or pay for childcare while he is at work. You cannot control what she says, but he can control the children while they are in your home.

    Answer by KennsWifey at 12:29 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • This stuff happens you husband cannot control her behavior and if he isn't going to be around to make the kids mind not a lot you can do. He needs to be home when the kids are visiting more and not leave it all up to you. If he isn't maybe only get the kids when he is going to be home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

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