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3 Bumps

My 15 year old is completely out of control, and I don't know what to do anymore?

All I want her to do is go to therapy (which she refuses), she don't want to do school work-she is failing, if I ask her to do something she won't and keeps fighting with me litteraly.
If I let her do what she wants she is an angel, if I try to displine her it is like war, I am at my wits end. My other kids don't act that way. She hates that we moved but yet she hated the old town and now my 12 year old said she will never be happy in any town.

It is like walking on egg shells in my home because of her behaivor. People say you are the mother, but what do you do when she is so angry and don't want the help? Wants to fight me?  Her stepdad works nights she would never treat me that way if he was there we are going through a lot we are separated, but are trying to work on it. She is not trying to work on it she wants me to herself.

I have 3 kids younger then her, she is very jealous she wishes it was just us, she says she can't do anything-make a bed, clean her room, cook a grill cheese. Yet my 12 year old is more responsible then her, and they have respect for me.

I need help and don't know what to do, or where to get it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (48)
  • hhmm maybe like a behavior program.. The police dept. would probably have some numbers for you i would def. contact them good luck mommy
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Talk to her guidance counselor. He/she should be able to help, they have worked with all kinds of behavioral problems. What does her father do about it? Do you know her best friend(s) maybe they can help you figure out what are the things that are bothering her.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 9:48 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I'm only 19. So I've been there not too long ago. If she is doing badly in school, she might need extra help or medication to focus. If her grades just started plummeting, try a different school. If her teachers don't care, neither will she. Or she might not be challenged enough. I had both of those problems with school. I left school to go to a "middle college" which is actually for intelligent students. And went from making C's to straight A's. It's only for junior and seniors thought so she might have to wait a little while. My freshman year a had a 2.3 gpa and my senior year I had a 3.7 gpa. So the school could actually be the problem. You need to remember that she is a teenager and it's normal for her not to get along with her mom.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 9:49 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I think you need to explain her actions by facts and not by your emotions and get their opinion. I say this because my own mother thought I was out of control and wanted me to see a therapist. This offended me, so i too refused. You are looking at her with a more objective eye. While my mother thought I was out of control, in reality I never smoked a cigarette or mariquanna and very very very rarely drank. The times I did go to parties and drink behind her back, I didn't do anything exciting. Usually just danced to the music with a friend or stood around a bonfire. I know you want to know what's going on in her life, but try not to pry. That is probably why you 2 are not getting along. I know "how was your day" or "what did you do today" sounds innocent enough but she's at the stage where she doesn't want to tell you about her life.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 9:54 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • TiffanieK:
    We switched schools, moved out of towns, she don't seem to make friends at all. She never has girlfriends only boy and you and I know why but they are not really friends. One teacher in the old school said they are not her friends. She sees what I don't. I need to help her. She refuses to go to therapy and refuses to get help. She is completely emo. She says she don't care about anything how can I help someone that does not want help.

    Last night the kids were crying she threw the water bottle, threw stuff around in her room, she is sexually active. She don't brush unless I tell her, she don't take care of herself. I know she is depressed but unless she says I will hurt someone or herself.

    There is nothing I can do as a parent.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:57 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I know you're worried about her, but more than likely, you're getting the worst end of her rebellion. Do not go through her things or try to hack her facebook. She will only shut you out more and probably go to further lengths to rebel. If she has some kind of trauma in her life and you think that's why she's acting badly, don't bring it up. She'll talk to her friends about it and believe it or not, that will help her just as much as a therapist. Also, you need to know that times are changing. You grew up in a different world than her. And while you may think some of the things she is doing is bad behavior, she is actually probably becoming more independent from this experience. I don't know if she is a virgin or sexually active, but if she is don't try to fight it. If you talk to her about it, she will be more responsible.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 10:00 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • My son whose going on 19 got that way around the same time. He had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and in reality had Bipolar disorder which starts showing extreme symptoms at around that age in teens. Its early onset basically. I ended up having to let him get into trouble. He went to jail for 3 weeks because I refused to bail him out. That helped some. I also had the option of a group home. Looking back I wish I had taken it. Maybe you can tell her you will look into one if she doesnt straighten up.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:00 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • in my case I didn't have a stepfather, it was my bio dad, but at that age I wanted him gone too. this may be a case of something she needs to grow out of, but I'm wondering if there may be something else.
    in my case my dad would hit us from time to time and in general mistreat us.
    my mom was one of those 'that didn't really happen that way' kind of moms.
    that and it was around that age or a little younger where my dad started giving me the creeps and I didn't want him to hug me or touch me. my mom told me I was terrible, that I had a distorted view on reality.
    my dad never actually molested me, but I often felt that he had that sort of thing on his mind. I'm told now my professionals that my dad's behavior was inappropriate.
    Is there anyway to get her to a counselor? will all the issues she's having with the step father, sounds like it could be a case of him being inappropriate. Have her see someone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Remember first that you are not her friend you are her mother and use tuff love! She will hate you, she will fight it, but treat her like she is in bootcamp. If she has a phone and misbehaves, take it! If she has a tv in her room, remove it, if she slams her door, remove the door. Even Dr. Phil says all you have to provide the kids is food and shelter, leave a mattress in her room. I think the more she loses, she will break down then hopefully straighten up. Explain to her what is expected of her, explain what will happen when she disobeys, and then STICK TO IT! If she puts her hands on you, call the police, let them scare the hell out of her, let them take her in for a bit.. And yes talk to counselors at school before it is too late. Some things may be hard to do but if you don't you will lose total control and the other kids will follow her behavior. Good luck and be strong!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 10:01 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • TiffanieK:

    She went after me last night because I asked her and her sister to go to there room. She completely flipped out.
    She said she can't trust me but I don't know what I did. She tells my neigbor she might be pregnant so I had her tested. Thank goodness she is not. I know she is hurting because her father left me years ago but he don't want anything to do with either of his kids her or her sister. He probably has 9 kids by now. He had one when I met him in England and 4 more when I left him including my two. I don't know how to help her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:01 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

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