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Problems with the mil.

mil here is always seperating my husband and I she'll sit between us. or call my husband over to come sit next to her.. And having him keeps things away from me. Things that would be nice if I knew about it. She comes in and saids hi to the dog. But ignors me. Doesn;t want to speak to me or listen to me. If I ask her something she saids so or I don;t know and shrugs her shoulders. And I don't know why she does this sord of things. I used to say hi first to her but she wouldn't say it back. So I stopped saying hi to her . I'm at the point where all I feel I need to say to my husband it's me or your mom. and let things fall from there on. And what will be will be.Because I can't deal with her any more. I even think I hate her now. what do you guys think.?


Asked by incarnita at 10:42 AM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,386 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Your husband should not be letting this happen. You are his wife. He should not ALLOW his mother to speak to you or treat you in this manner. I would tell hubby that he needs to speak to his mother and if he won't tell him she isn't welcome in your home, pierod. If he wants to see her he can go to her. I would also not allow my children to see this woman. She is disrespectful. That should not be tolerated.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 10:48 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I have felt your pain - and on some level you are right he needs to choose. The thing is: HE ALREADY CHOSE YOU. When we get married we form a new family. Think of it as a bubble. Other bubbles - moms, friends, etc. - can come and hover near our bubble for a visit but we have to maintain our separateness, otherwise they all pop.

    By allowing his mother to come between you by keeping stuff from his wife your husband is popping the bubble.

    I would be careful how I worded it - but you are right to expect him to act like a husband and stand by his wife - not his mother.

    Answer by angelmommy11 at 10:45 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I would not give him the ultimatum of it's you or her. That is his mom who will not always be here. What would you do if he gave you an ultimatum like that? My mom hated me for some reason and I never found out why, but who was there holding her hand when she passed away. I have the same types of problems with my MIL. We went down last Sunday and we always eat lunch. So she set all the men in the larger dining room and all of the ladies in the kitchen area. I sat there and ate and not one person at that table said one word to me. Also she has only been to our home one time and we have lived here for over 20 yrs. I also have a problem with one of my SIL's!!! Her dtr and husband, and son, live approx 20 miles from us and she has only been to our house one time and that was with my MIL. My SIL and MIL can come up and see her kids but they don't come and see us or any of our kids. God Bless, Billie Mae

    Answer by jesussaves58 at 10:57 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • i used to have a SIL that did that to me, she'd just say "HI James!!" to my husband but not me, i finally got it that she doesnt like me so my husband confronted her and she started acting so childish and accepted me.

    honestly, your husband doesnt see it because he's not the one that its being done to! and to the comment above about how your mother inlaw wont always be here, she'll pass on one day...well no one should suffer through how many more years they have to put up with that.

    instead of making him choose, i would tell your husband she needs to limit her visits and if she cant like you then dont bother coming over, your husband needs to man up! if he cant then show him how it hurts you and that your even thinking that this relationship with him is questionable because of his mother...he might react faster then you think.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 11:10 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • jesussaves:

    you just gave an example of how you can relate but you did not help her in anyway. :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I'd talk to him directly. He might not realize how bad it is or how you feel about it.

    Answer by Alexias30 at 11:13 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • yikes that is not fun I am in the same situation sometimes, my mil always causes probs too. good luck it is not fun but your husband def needs to know!!! It'll just keep getting worse

    Answer by ChanQ at 12:03 PM on Mar. 11, 2011