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Anyone else know why they stay?

I do so much for my SO. I cook, clean, do his college reports among many other things. He told me he was going to the library yesterday to do his report, and i find out he was at his buddys getting high, isn't the first time. i ask him about it,he flips out gets abusive etc. So i just say i'm leaving i get all the stuff ready and he rips all the bags open and puts the stuff back. I sit at home day after day taking care of the house, our son and he goes out does whatever whenever. i cant even find the time to take a shower and he just gets up and goes right to it. I can't trust him But for some reason i can't leave.couple weeks ago i did for a few days but i ended up back with him. advice to leave dosent work. What is making me stay with this guy, i dont even think i love him anymore. Is this a case of just jealous cause i can't do anything, or is there really a reason to leave.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • My ex was alot like th at so you know what I did? I made an escape plan. I didnt tell him I was leaving. I made him think everything was as normal as could be. Then one day I went to do laundry with the kids, and I never went back. I also got sole custody because he was on drugs and abusive.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I am in a similar, yet quite different situation. My husband constantly treats me like crap, puts me down and treats me like I am a nothing. All the while I take care of our son, keep the house beautiful and keep everything in order, and I have to do it with a fake smile. Everybody around us thinks my husband is just the most wonderful person in the world. He is so fake it makes me sick. His family is so proud of him and his accomplishments (he has a fairly decent job) and all that crap...but what they don't know is that he get completely falling down drunk every night and is abusive to his wife. Therefore, if I did try to tell somebody, nobody would believe me because in a way I screwed myself...I went along with this charade for so long now there is NO WAY out. I hate my husband more than words can express.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I'm so sorry to the OP and Anon 9:14. Really and truly. But there is a way out. Make yourself happy whatever it takes. Your kids will thank you for it later.
    Anon 9:02.... love the laundry idea. No explaining the packing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • wow i feel like i wrote the post!! i was in the same situation with my son's father. I would leave, come back over and over. Finally, three months after the birth of our son he decided to take on a 16 yo girl lol. it sucked at first and we got together a couple of times afterward but once i was away for a while and had my son i knew that it was the best thing that happened. he was also doing drugs, drinking, and abusive.
    I say leave. it will be very hard for you at first for sure but i guarentee it will be the best decision you will ever make. think of your child as well. you don't want your son growing up in an atmosphere like the one you are in anyway. it will be better for you both in the long run I PROMISE.

    Answer by klbnkndsmm at 11:24 AM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • First off quit enabling him. Let him do his own college reports and all other things HE is responsible for. When you respect yourself and your child more than you tolerate emotional abuse you will leave. You don't tell an abuser you are leaving. That is done only to get attention from him and you know it will be negative attention. Most women hope the guy will prove he loves her by throwing his tantrum and demand she stay. This isn't a movie. It's real life. Don't provoke him. Make a plan and get out. Life is too short to be treated like that. You are given choices in life. Your choices are to live in an abusive environment or make a good life for you and your child. It's your choice but consider what you are teaching your child. There are support groups on CM for this. I suggest you join one and make a decision to better your life.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:23 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • It's hard to leave a relationship. I think after awhile, even if it's really bad people can get use to it and "comforteable" with it so to speak. I think an "escape plan" is a great idea. Try leaving when he's gone, just have everything ready to go! Yah, it's messed up but you gotta get out some how right? Good luck to you and please dont forget that there are tons and tons of resources out there for you that can and do help. Also, you can always call the cops and tell them you and your son are trying to leave and he wont physically let you. I guarantee they will come over really quick.

    Answer by raybell at 1:37 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • If you don't want us to advice you to leave, I'm not sure what we can tell you. Abusers get stronger as they suck you dry of everything in you, they beat your body and mind down till nothing's left. Stay if you want, but w hen he's tired of doing you that way, it'll likely carry over to your child if it hasn't already. Lots of women keep going back till the pitful excuse for a man kills them. Not much to tell you other than that laundry thing sounds real good. Or putting things in your trunk/friends/storage a little at a time till you find the right time to go.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:23 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

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