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Do you reward for good behavior?

My youngest has ALWAYS had a hard time behaving at school ... mostly for talking not TRUE being naughty, she just has a lot to say. I think helping her learn to behave correctly can be helped along with prizes she can earn, we also talk a lot about how she could handle situations where she feel like she REALLY NEEDS to say something and it might be better to just let the teacher handle it etc. dh says she should learn to be quiet because that is what is expected, stop talking about and rewarding good behavior and just punish when she gets in trouble at school.

This isnt my first rodeo she is my 6th elementary aged kid and 2 of those were A.D.D.

Do I have a question? Maybe a rant?

 
pammomof9

Asked by pammomof9 at 11:34 AM on Mar. 11, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 17 (3,287 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Different children require different things. My brother worked better with rewards, I just need to know that our Mom was "disapointed" in my behavior and I straightened up. With that being said, I was a talker too. I got in trouble all the time for talking, even in high school. And do you want to know something funny? I have even been in trouble at work as an adult. I was chatting with a customer one day and my boss thought I was on a personal call and wanted to write me up for it. hee hee -- But good luck to you, I hope you are able to get her talking under control.
    Peajewel

    Answer by Peajewel at 11:56 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Not sure what grade she's in, but my 4th grader has a hard time keeping his mouth shut during class. His teacher does reward students for behaving and following the rules, but with my kindy kid, I have a chart that I do myself based on what kind of day he had. After so many stickers, he gets to pick out a toy from the dollar store. Really imo the best thing to do is just maintain an open line of communication with the teacher. If she's aware you're working on correcting the problem it could go far towards helping your dd as well.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:48 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Many therapist call it bribe therapy. And the fancy word I call it is contingency management. I have often thought when my son is older I may use a little trick I have passed on to older kids and parents. The method? Take an old blank bank register and use it as a way to keep track of your child's deposits and withdrawals. A deposit is good behavior. You mark on the line the good behavior and how many points it is worth. A deposit is when your child has had some negative or inappropriate behaviors and you take away points. At the end of the week (or day) you review the book and see how many points have been earned. You decide what items they can have the option to "buy." They can choose to save points for something big - like pizza out and a movie. Or maybe something little right now like 15 mintues extra before bed time.  The key is for them to know what they can do to earn points and how much it is worth. 

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:26 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Also what would cause points to be taken away. They should start with some already in the bank so they have a positive balnace. We do a reward system for my son centered around dinner. My four year old has difficulty staying at the table and eating in fair amount of time. Not to mention picky doesn't describe his eating. We use a system so that each nigh if he takes a bite each time we ring a bell on the table - he gets a to stick his hand in his prize box. He stays in his seat, often rings the bell before we do, eats all his food, and it doesn't take two hours to eat a meal. He has recently forgot about the bell and just started chowing down. He did not forget about the prizes. He won't be 10 and still needing a dollar store prize. But for now it has been a fun way to motivate his focus and attention to the task at hand. Go ahead and use reward systems if it works for your child.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:30 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • You know, I get what you're husband is saying. On the other hand, when it comes to work, I get merit based raises. When I perform well I can earn a bonus. Sales people earn commission. Some sales people earn "SPIFFS" or 'bonus dollars' from a manufacturer to motivate them to move certain product. The reality is adults do get reward for being successful. I don't think implementing such a strategy in SOME situations with our children is so awful.

    It's about finding a balance. You don't want to teach your child that they only need to behave or perform a certain way if there's a benefit to them. You do need to teach respect for rules and authority figures as well as teaching the pride and joy found simply in succeeding. On the other hand, supplementing that a reward of some sort can go a long way.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:24 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • A point system would be a good idea
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 12:58 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I think that rewards and consequences are important. There has to be abalance.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:03 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Is she making good grades? When I was in school I talked a lot in school and made the principals list every year. It is distracting towards the other classmates though. Does the teacher not reward her when she is good for the week? If not, you could get a star chart at home. So every day you get a good report from the teacher, you could put a star on a piece of paper under that day. Do it every day and at the end of the week if she has enough stars she gets a prize. So say is she got 4 stars or 5 that week, she gets a prize.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 11:39 AM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Yes I do always find away to reward my daughter and sons good behavior. if it be alittle thing or a big thing
    SkylaReneeMom

    Answer by SkylaReneeMom at 11:14 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • ABSOLUTELY!! But the rewards can be MANY different things, and it depends on what your child considers to be a real reward! In our home, when the boys were preschool age, we bought little toys from Oriental Trading, and filled a treasure box. When they got home, if they had a good report from the teachers, they got to pick a prize out of the treasure box--mind you this did NOT happen every day. They soon figured out, that good behaviors got them little rewards. Now that they're a little older (9 and 7) we've found that going to places like Bounce U, or getting a pizza on a Friday night, letting them play with the Wii on a school night for an hour, are things they look forward to--as we don't do/allow such things regularly, and we make sure to tell them it's BECAUSE they have done well in school (behaviors, tests, etc.) that we're rewarding them! My point is, the rewards don't have to be candy, treats or money-centric!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:05 AM on Mar. 12, 2011

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