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What do you do..?

I've got a lot of stresses in my life (but who doesn't??) however, my current circumstances have caused me to have to live at home with my mom. I was originally obligated when my husband got abusive and I had to move home in October of 2009. My mother and I were not getting along AT ALL so I tried to move again in October 2010 after I had been working for 8 months and found what I believed to be a reliable, trustworthy, responsible person to move in with me..long story (very long story with many details) short, I made the wrong decision and learned my lesson the hard way that I should NOT have a roommate/roommates and should be by myself with my 2 kids and I've made my credit worse.

now to continue with my situation, I live with my mom. I am a single mother with sole custody of my 2 children. I am a server (at $2.13/hour) at a pretty good restaurant but people are starting to get meaner, needier, and tip less. My mother is in school to become an accountant, and doesn't work. I try to sympathize with her situation (being in school for something that takes a lot of concentration, time and can be very stressful, having a hurt shoulder called "frozen shoulder" caused by her diabetes and obesity, and her unemployment that has lasted over 3 years because she "can't find a job" even though she only submits applications online after telling me for YEARS that it isn't the right method of finding a job). My grandmother pays the bills here (not mine, I pay for my insurance, phone, and household groceries when foodstamaps decide to stop for months which gets expensive because my mom will NOT eat healthy and she eats too much) but my granny does pay for the water, mortgage, and all other utilities. my mother watches my babies for me while I work because childcare would be 1200/month (300/week) for both of my kids to go. meanwhile I pay for the groceries that has costed me over 150/week almost 200 or more. and I don't eat often. that and a 2 y/o and 3 y/o can only eat so much. I buy her soda which is her "treat" and I buy the cartons of cigarettes that I only get 3 maybe 4 pack out of...thats rediculous!! she is unreasonable, unappreciative (always expecting me to be overly appreciative of things she does) and shes sucking me dry of my money.she's also a crier...she cries every day for something else. meanwhile, I'm waiting to go back to school and that makes her cry because that's just one more thing to take time out of her day for school, I I'm trying to save money but have to constantly buy gas, cigs, and other shit because she cries about how much money her mom (my granny) has to spend on the house already, and I want to go out ever once in a while because I don't have any friends due to an overly controlling, jealous husband for 3 years. but when I go out I 'm right up the street and go when they are asleep and only once a month IF that. I feel like I'm reasonable with what I want and she has her friends, supportive mother(granny seems to make excuses for my mom and her feelings but doesn't try to see mine)..I'm overwhelmed and out of ideas. I have some money saved from my tax return, but I have bad credit, no other child care, no friends, no moral support, no insurance for a therapist, and feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if I don't get away from her soon. she is always yelling at my kids because she is very lazy with no care to change her horrible eating habits or lack of activity.

I guess my question is:
Where can I meet responsible friends? or how would you feel? am I being over dramatic? or am I in the wrong? just need some moral support or positive advice. thanks!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • There are A LOT of different things going on. For starters, if you're paying for groceries than I'd imagine that means you chose what gets purchased- if possible, I would just be blunt with your mother and tell her you're no longer going to support her unhealthy eating habits because you want to raise your children eating nutritious food, so it's not beneficial for them to have all that junk and soda in the house. Also, I'd quit smoking- you'd save a lot of money right there. Trust me, I know it's hard- I did it-- and ESPECIALLY when you're going through tough times, seems like that's the only way to relieve stress-- but it's a waste of money amongst slowly killing you. I couldn't tell, but do you pay rent? If not, than that's probably why you're Mom is part of the way she is with you- in her eyes she is doing you a HUGE favor (which, amidst her difficulties, she really is doing you a big favor by letting you all live there) +
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:39 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • and that's why she feels it's okay to act the way that she does. I feel for you- honestly-- I left a crazy abusive ex husband, and I was a single Mother as well-- but unlike you, my WHOLE family lived clear across the country and I was on my own trying to juggle school, work, and a child. What always used to help me amidst the sanity was remembering it could ALWAYS be worse....sure, the situation sucks, but at least you CAN live at your Mom's house, at least she does help with childcare (which like you said, is crazy expensive)..also that's great how your grandmother helps financially- even if she's aiding your mother in other negative ways. Have you ever tried to have a sit down with your mother? and calmly, respectfully express your feelings and concerns? Maybe that would help. Sorry I may not have the best of advice, but I'd just take a deep breath and focus on the positives while trying to deal with the rest, best of luck.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 12:42 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Do you get child support? Are you on the list for housing like Section 8? When you left dh you could have asked for help getting on the list and by now you'd have your own place based on your income? Were you with him long enough to get spousal support? You can make friends wherever you go. If you volunteer you can meet lots of folks. Once you start school you can meet lots of folks. You might even be able to go to the Commons at the local school and hang out & meet folks now. You could take your kids with you so no need for a sitter. See if your church has a social group. Just get out there and enjoy!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Lexi, I have tried to have that sit down with her but it didn't help. shes in such a depressed funk because shes been in this rut for a long time and she has a warped perspective in my opinion and I've done all I can to help. however, you are absolutely right. I do need to quit smoking. I do appreciate her help and I do pay rent. she also never leaves the house and insists (with justified reason) that I need to work. with all honesty, I have done everything I can. I'm 23, don't go out but every random once in a while and I don't EVEN dare try to make a relationship with another man because I value my available free time too much for responsibilities. I GREATLY appreciate your response because a non-biast opinion helped me more than I thought it would. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes without anyone to help out like that, you are a very strong person! thank you so much for your input
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • and to the other anonymous answer, thank you too! I don't get child support yet, I'm working on that next monday and even still I'm not really guaranteed any money because he really doesn't mind being in trouble with the law, he's an irresponsible person and already re-ingagedsince the month after we separated from our 3 year marriage. however, those are actually really great ideas for meeting people and finding help. I want to get involved with church but it conflicts with my work hours, but I'm still going to try. Thank you so much for your advice!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:10 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Go get a section 8 housing and apply for utility help and ebt checks.You might as well seek ssi for children if they quaiify.You could be on your own in about 3 months with all the help from PA. Good Luck
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 4:19 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • You're welcome and I'm glad that you appreciated my response- your situation is definitely tough and I'm only a year older than you- so I know it's even harder at this age. That's unfortunate that sitting down with your mother before didn't work, sorry about that. I would try section 8 like these other women are saying, and then maybe your Mom could still help with the kids. Also are you on WIC? That should help a little with the groceries, I'd never have survived without it. There are usually a lot of resources out there for low income single parents- they're just not well advertised. Try to do some research and see what you can find, there's usually more in bigger cities- but I'm not sure where you live. Anyway, I truly wish you the best of luck and btw, to answer your questions you're definitely not in the wrong or over reacting!! I would be taking LOTS of deep breaths if I was you, so you too are a strong woman!! Best.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 4:58 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • ps- 1-800-no-butts has resources to help quit smoking, good luck with that too- it will be worth it in the end...and also you're probably strapped for time, but yoga SERIOUSLY helps me (and helped me then) to stay calmer and stay sane in the middle of craziness-- just a thought. take care.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 4:59 PM on Mar. 12, 2011