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How do you help your kids deal with a bad performance?

For parents with kids involved in sports and the arts -- how do you help your children overcome their frustration and disappointment when they don't do well, or as well as they'd have liked to?

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ElizaTucker

Asked by ElizaTucker at 1:12 PM on Nov. 23, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I tell them better luck next time and remind them not everyone is good at everything. Just because they might not play baseball, dance, gymnastics, sing etc as well as someone else doesnt mean anything. It just means they have to find what they are good at is all. I also tell them if they want to continue trying then they need to practice more. That is the key to success.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • just tell them you're proud of them, that they did their best.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • We always had one rule and that was finish what you started. We never let our children bail out of a sport or activity. We made them finish it all the way through unless it was a health issue. We would always tell them, "You win some and you lose some and as long as you give your 100% that's all anyone can expect from you and we are so very proud of all that you have done."

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 1:21 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • The best thing to do is help them understand that they are still loved by you and appreciated. Let them know their performance has nothing to do with earning your love, nor the love of others. Especially with sports. It is so hard for a child to overcome a loss, knowing that their parents are soooo into it. Just let them know you will always be there for them, and that you your love is not based on their performance.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 1:32 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • My son's soccer team was in first place all season until they lost a game halfway through. Then they tied one. And the last playoff game they lost, which put them in second place for the season. Well, after their loss at the playoffs, my son and some of he teammates were crying. My DH and I talked tothem as a whole and said the same thing, you can't win em all and as long as you had fun, did your best, worked as a team, followed the rules and played fairly, that's all you can do and should be proud of yourself because we are. Also, the fact that my son was getting his Heelys right after helped him get over it REALLY QUICK lol

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 1:36 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I plan on doing what I do now. Nothing. I can't fix it. There are some things that parents cannot and should not fix. So I can be supportive, I can listen, I can ask him what he thinks should happen next, and then I will ask him if he wants me to make a suggestion or two. If he wants to hear one then I will. Sometimes no matter what we say to try and help our children will just curl up and decide to mope or continue to be frustrated. As in, "Mom you don't get it!" I am big into reflective listening and naming the feeling I see reflected on their faces. So if my son is frustrated and acts angry because he missed a goal I might say, "You are frustrated and it seems a little embarassed that you missed that shot." He can either correct me and tell me I'm wrong or he can just know his mom gets it. Its done very casually and not judgementally. Oh, and handy comfort foods on bad days are always a plus.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:12 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

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