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Women who left....advice please

BF is emotionally abusive. I know this. I get all fired up and ready to leave him, when he's not here. When he's home, I feel guilty??? Did any of you feel this awful love and guilt while trying to leave? Did the men promise going to a psychiatrist etc.? How did you finally do it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I'm lucky. Mine actually got help and we were able to get back together and now everything is working pretty well. BUT leaving him was hard. Contrary to what people said I loved him and I knew he loved me. The thing that made me realize I had to leave it was going to get help or not was what it was doing to me and our child. And yes, I totally felt guilty. I felt "selfish". But now I know it was the right thing to do. Find it in yourself to leave and do it. If he really does care about you he will get help and try to get you back when he completes his treatment. Maybe even during.

    Answer by raybell at 1:44 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • yeah I did and I think its because we love the man not the actions of the man. But they go hand in hand and its hard to seperate the feelings we had for the guy who we thought was a decent one. The truth is the truth though and my best advice is to make an escape plan and stick to it. Dont let on anything is up or diff. Act normally. Then when hes at work or something then just go. I know it might seem chicken crappy but its hard to leave an abusive situation when youre still hoping he will change. He wont. He cant change unless he does it for himself.
    Also my ex, he didnt work, was abusive etc and when I left guess what? He got his crap together. maybe too late for us, but atleast it was good for him AND our children to see him change his ways. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • They take advantage of your feelings and confusion. They keep you hooked over them. It's easy to say it's not so bad on the days they act ok and decide to let it go then the cycle continues and it's back to when they are behaving badly. It's a vicious cycle but know that You are the only one in control of you. Make him prove himself. Have him make that appt to get help. Hold him responsible for making the appt and showing up for each appt. If not then he's proving to you that the relationship isn't important enough to him to work on then you leave. It's never easy to leave but sometimes it must be done. I just read a good book called the Emotionally Abused Woman. It is a great book. I'm sure there are other books out there that can help as well. You can do this. We did and got control back of our life. You can too.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:52 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Yes, it is HARD. The hardest thing you will ever do in your life. You love him, whether or not he is mean to you. You don't want him to be hurt or sad or suffer in any way. Wouldn't it be nice if someone felt that way about you? You always hear is "You can't change someone" and it's true. I found that out the hard way, trying to change my husband for 5 years. It was mostly just mental abuse but it was literally killing me. I talked to friends and family and make a plan. If they know you are scared they will help you. Then, when he's gone, you leave. He is not going to change unless he wants to. If he hasn't tried yet, he may never, and this is how the rest of your life will be. It's hard but I am so happy now and so free. Best of luck to you. If you want details on how I did it, or more help, or to vent, please write to me:

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Look at your children (im assuming you have some) i look at my daughter now she is that happiest baby ever. I am in a great realationship now and if me and my BF even play fight she gets really scared. But i think that if i was still with her father she would just be used to yelling screaming and fighting. It really effect children when they grow up in a broken home. And most of the time they wont change. I wont tell you what to do, but don't settle. No madder what he says love yourself and your children and be the best for you and your children and if you cant be that with him then leave there are great guys out there.

    Answer by Cherish050307 at 3:33 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • My 1st husband was emotionally abusive. He would lie and manipulate so bad he had everyone on his side. I tried joint therapy and guess what? he is so good he got the therapist on his side and they both attacked me! He's great one day then the next he's twisted. It took years of being on his rollercoaster before I had enough and had to get off. If I had stayed my kids would be so messed up! Leaving a bad situation is tough but it builds confidence and charectar. It also helps your kids see that you are strong and not to put up with another man's crap. Message me if you need to vent or need some support. I am here if you need someone to lean on.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:54 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

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