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When my boyfriend comes home...

he heads right to the computer! Or takes a 2 hour shower, then gets on the computer. He wont make or eat dinner with me, and when I voice my complaints he says Im to needy. seriously? I am finding that I am getting ZERO satisfaction out of this relationship. I am 5 months pregnant with his kid, and he chooses NOW to start completely giving me the cold shoulder? It is as if he has NO interest in me anymore. We are planning on flea bombing our apartment, and spending the night at a cheap hotel. He said that he would rather spend the night separately? I understand that he needs his personal time, everyone does. But he seems to need personal time, all the time. Unless one of his friends wants to do something. I dont get it. AND... when I try to talk about the baby, and things, like feeling her kick etc... he has no interest. I havent gained weight yet, our life is pretty mellow. Im not sure whats going on, and he refuses to talk to me. Its like he hates my guts all of a sudden. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. We have been together for 3 years, have had a pretty good relationship. I dont know what to do. I dont want this person to be the person I spend my life with, my feelings are really hurt. Is it a phase? A guy thing? Normal? Not normal?

 
Tarrar

Asked by Tarrar at 9:22 PM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,733 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • My dh was a lot like this when I became pregnant with our first. What I thought was going to be the best time of our lives, we were blissfully married 9 years, so I thought an addition would compound that joy. What happened was, my dh was a big fat jerk and I was so hurt and confused! He didn't want to be intimate. He said he was afraid he would hurt the baby. He went to an OB/Gyn appt with me and the dr told him not to flatter himself lol. He was still distant after the baby came, he had a really hard time adjusting to me being a mommy instead of his wife and play mate. Honestly, I wish I could give you a magic way to fix this, but we had to adjust. We're now married 19 years and we survived that and worse. I think I'd make myself scarce when he came home. Make him wonder where you are and miss you. Sometimes men are just bigger babies than the ones we carry.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:39 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • Do you think it's normal for a guy to pass up a fun night at a cheap motel with his woman?? I've never heard of such a thing.
    I'd have a heart to heart with him and find out what's going on. Maybe it's the pregnancy or something deeper.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:26 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I'm gonna say that it's not normal. I've been married for almost 13 years. My husband comes home from work and it's hugs and kisses for both me and our son. Then it's normally the restroom (LOL), but then it's back to the living room to play with our son while I cook supper. In fact, we have a no computer rule until AFTER our son goes to bed.

    I think it's time for a Family Meeting. Get your thoughts in order and then sit down with him when he's NOT on the computer (the car might be good) and tell him how you feel. Don't nag, just let him know how you are feeling. Ask him if there's something bothering him? Is he scared or nervous about having a child? Is something going on at work? If he needs some time to think (after you're talk) maybe consider YOU leaving for a few days. Visit family. Go to a spa with a friend.

    Good luck.
    SouthernMama08

    Answer by SouthernMama08 at 9:32 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I can tell you, this EXACT thing happened with my daughters father. Like word for word, I'm not even kidding. I ended up leaving him over it, because I was stressed out enough with the pregnancy, and what it ended up being was he was just afraid of being a dad. So he all of the sudden wanted to pretend like me and the baby didn't exist, he panicked. We were 18 and 19 at the time, so he was really young...and just not ready, but unlike me, he didn't have to face parenthood if he didn't want to..and he didn't. Don't really have any advice (sorry) :(, but just wanted to let you know that your not alone, and that feeling sucks so much, especially if its someone you love and your having a child with. Absolute best of luck to you!
    CollegeMommy121

    Answer by CollegeMommy121 at 9:58 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Sounds like he's getting concerned about the baby and thinks he might not be ready. I'd talk to him about it.
    metalhealthmom

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 9:32 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • i have totally considered it being the pregnancy. And I totally agree with you about the hotel thing. What a hot weekend that could be!! I have tried having a heart to heart, but he WILL NOT talk to me. Im not sure how else to try and get him to talk to me....
    Tarrar

    Comment by Tarrar (original poster) at 9:32 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I have been in the same boat before. I would say to try to work on it until after the baby is born, see if anything changes, and if it doesn't, kick him to the curb.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

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