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If you were "the other woman". Please read and share your advice with me.

Okay, my husband had an affair about three years ago. I am Christian and really wanted to keep our family together. I forgave him and things are great now. Better than before actually. The "other woman" lives in the same town we do and I bump into her from time to time. Usually, I get upset afterward--never to her--to myself but seeing her tonight I felt nothing. It felt great. Now I have this urge to get it off my chest and tell her I forgive her. I don't hate her anymore. Like I've carried this rock around in my heart and it isn't there anymore.

Is this a bad idea? If you were the "other woman", would you want to hear something like this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I've been in your situation and I, too am a Christian. The problem for me was that the "other" woman was a family member. Because
    of my age, depression, other problems, I didn't tell anyone and felt I had to keep it from the family. Long story short, I stayed with him
    and tried to work it out but he didn't stop cheating, so we're divorced.
    I agree that it could open a whole can of worms that you don't need. God knows your heart and that's all that matters.
    JeannieBee

    Answer by JeannieBee at 4:31 AM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • IF i was the other woman and knew you hated me because of those reasons then i'd be happy you'd even bother to talk to me if i knew you. So you could start with a smile and a "hi" and see where it goes from there
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:54 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I was the "other woman" many years ago, while married to my first husband. My affair was with a man who had been my boyfriend for nearly a year in high school. Long story.... He returns to this area w/a wife and child. We just started talking and over time....well....you know. I was in a bad marriage. He wasn't. His wife was a good person. He just wasn't totally happily married. I ended it when he looked at me one day and said, "I wish I was married to you". That's what every "other woman" wants to hear, but it made me realize the part I could be playing in ruining this family. I broke it off, even though he continued to contact me for the next year, trying to keep the affair going. I honestly don't believe his wife ever knew, nor do I believe he ever told her later. If she did, I still don't think I would feel the need to hear "forgiveness" from her. I forgive me. God forgave me. I'm okay. Hope I was of help....
    ParklaneMom

    Answer by ParklaneMom at 9:56 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I can see where you're coming from. forgiving someone who has done you wrong is good. I would say it should be a decision to make for yourself, but don't try to be her friend or anything. don't let her make you mad. tell her you forgive her and then move on from there.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 9:59 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • this is a hard one.
    but I do admire the fact that you are asking the question.
    I don't think there's anyone out there who thinks it's a smart to get involved with a married man, and those that have probably felt a great deal for that man. so for many reasons I don't think it's a good idea. Don't assume that this woman wants to hear anything from you.
    Lots of men tell the other woman they are leaving the wife, or all kids of things.
    So if you were in her place would you want to hear anything from the wife? doubt it.
    Don't assume that she would feel better hearing that from you, so if you were to say something to her, you may not get the response you hoped for.
    If you've found a way to get past all this, then have your peace, don't try to but into her feelings of it all
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • No, leave it alone.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:51 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • i wasnt the other women but i would not say sorry for anything just dont talk to her cuz she might say someting that will piss you off
    mama2my2boys

    Answer by mama2my2boys at 9:51 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Did she ask for your forgiveness?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:51 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I would not say anything to her, I wouldn't even look her direction.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 9:55 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • No, tootoobusy, she didn't ask. I wanted to say it for me. I have a very strong faith and hate isn't right for me. I think it would be very theraputic. To purge myself of these feelings. Get them out of me. Maybe it's a bad idea, not seeing much support in this.....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:55 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

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