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Affairs and the human mind......... adult content

or something equally as Freud sounding.

I've been cheated on back in my early 20s. I think the thing that hurt the most was the shock, the shock that he could ever do this to me.
So for about 5 years I dated but refused to be anyone's girlfriend or commit myself in anyway. It may have been more a case of my not thinking enough of these men to want to be exclusive, but a lot of it was that I figured if I didn't expect them to be with just me I wouldn't have to suffer the hurt of being cheated on.
It was a weird time, made even weirder by the fact that two of the men in these casual relationships wanted to marry me, but you get the idea.

So lets say your man goes and sleeps with another woman. Do you think that you would have felt better about it if you had somehow given him permission so you wouldn't be blindsided?
or do you think it would hurt the same either way?

Answer Question
 
ItsMe89

Asked by ItsMe89 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 11, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,130 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • doesnt hurt at all if you just let him do it but thats a po
    myboysRmyhero

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 11:21 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • Love is complicated but not so much. You must have all three parts involved in a relationship. Heart...Mind... Body. The sex is just one part. If there is no respect, like sleeping with another, then the mind isnt in it. If it is just sex, good or not, then the heart isnt in it. For a healthy relationship of any kind you must have all three. When the right one arrives at the right time, you will know. I find it odd that you said the relationships were casual...but two wanted to marry you. Were they casual to you and they just didnt know.?
    myheartflys

    Answer by myheartflys at 11:26 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I think it hurts either way. By giving him the "permission", the woman is rehearsing to herself "I don't care to begin with, that's why I gave him the permission", but deep down inside, in the most private/truthful moment, I believe it still hurts to know your man wants to sleep with someone else.
    Olivia4116

    Answer by Olivia4116 at 11:27 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I could forgive my husband for sleeping with another woman if he came to me and talked to me about it first. I understand that some people are not made to be 100% faithful for LIFE, and we married very young, without experiencing anyone but each other. It would still hurt me. A LOT. And I don't know that our relationship would ever be the same. But I could forgive him. If he just slept around and I found out after the fact I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again. i would be devastated.

    I'm with you.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:31 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • "I find it odd that you said the relationships were casual...but two wanted to marry you. Were they casual to you and they just didnt know.?"
    I found it odd too.
    I would say they knew, they in fact were the ones that brought up the subject in the first place. Wanting to make sure that I knew they just considered it casual.
    But when I decided that I didn't want to see them anymore, suddenly they wanted to get married?
    Not sure where they got the idea that's what I wanted, but suddenly that's what they wanted!
    ItsMe89

    Comment by ItsMe89 (original poster) at 11:33 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • i think it would hurt more if i gave them permission cuz then to me it would feel like 'look how easily i can get someone better than you and you gave me permission so you can't be mad' type thing
    lashes325

    Answer by lashes325 at 11:41 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • It would hurt either way.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:52 PM on Mar. 11, 2011

  • I think that it would hurt either way. Either way, in your mind your man is going to be with someone else. Unless you have accepted the open lifestyle I believe that giving permission would not be in the best interest, it will break down the relationship and leave you with a muddied path of self loathing to sort through. You don't need that, you need to get yourself on track and look for something better. A dive into your own mind, heart, and soul may do good for a while.
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 7:51 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

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