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We cannot afford a lawyer..

How can I get the Biomom out of the picture forever. She disappeared in March and hasn't tried to contact our daughter since, not even on her birthday!!!! Now she's trying to gain SOLE custody of OUR daughter. She calls me mom and calls her biomom "the bad woman". Any tips will help! She's only been with us for 8 months. This woman dissappears all the time and my fiancee only met Angel 4 times before she came to live with us in March after the biomom demanded for him to come pick her up immediately so she could "catch a break for partying".


Asked by 20sumstepmom at 2:20 PM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • We waited until the BM took us to court and then we got the kids on her violating a court order. She won't be seeing her kids again... has your BM pulled anything like that? Also, have your DD is counseling will help you as well. your DD's counselor can speak on behalf of your DD and that will weigh heavily with the judge.

    Answer by sewsewbusy at 4:16 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I'd need a little more information before I can say what to do. You can use the contact link to let me know.
    It terrifies me that you have undermined this child's relationship with her 1st mom. The fact that a young child calls anyone "the bad woman" is horrid.. By telling this child this, you've essentially told her that 1/2 of her is bad. In the long run, you're hurting yourself, in addition to hurting the child, & the birthmom.
    If you've legally adopted this little girl, and the statute of limitations is up, then you have nothing to worry about. If you've just assumed the mothering role, without legal help, then you've royally screwed up this child's life, by not working extra hard to make sure that she is protected. Foster care services might be the only way to help her at this point.

    Answer by sizesmith at 2:52 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • While getting her out of the picture may be the best thing for her...this is NOT what the courts will want to hear. You, in your position, and not actually being the stepmom yet AND her calling the b/m bad woman will only SEEM like you have "poisoned" the girl. Courts do not like this, as they will always try to keep the b/m in the picture unless SHE decides she wants to split.

    If she is as bad as you say, I suggest you keep records of contact and other things that occurs. Present this to the court when you go, along with the experiences you have had with the b/m. If they think for two seconds you are trying to turn this girl against her b/ will have no chance of getting custody.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • cont...Also, if there are others, friends and family, that have witnessed her behavior; you will need them as well. You need to show her character is bad....but if the girl walks into court and starts spouting of at the mouth about how horrible her mother is....they are going to think it's because of you.

    I would start doing damage control with the daugher now. Tell her that those names are not appropriate, as much as they may be true.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Nov. 23, 2008