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2 Bumps

Am I justified to feel upset with him? adult content

My SO has tons of tension in his back, shoulders, etc. He asked me last night to look up a massage therapist in the area. He specified "make sure they don't do the 'happy ending', I don't want that." I asked him later why he felt the need to specify that. His response was "I knew if I didn't, you'd explode because I must therefore want the happy ending."

We have never had a trust issue between us. I have never said or done anything to imply I didn't trust him, and I have never been the type to "explode." In fact, he frequently gets upset with me because I don't tell him when something bothers me.

I'm feeling really ticked off at him for this comment right now. I know he's had a girlfriend or two in the past that didn't trust him, and had anger issues, and so I feel like I'm being punished for stuff they would have said or done. And I don't like that. It's not fair to me, and it's not healthy for our relationship.

Am I justified to be angry at him, or am I overreacting?

(I am not angry for the "no happy ending" comment, it is the "you'd explode" comment that I'm upset about.)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Mar. 12, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Men see things such as pacing back and forth, shaking, and especially crying as "exploding." It's because generally if they are doing these things they have lost control of themselves. It sounds like to me that he may have a bit of worrisome that you may let loose in a yelling manner that he was trying to get a happy ending because maybe it has been talked about between himself and others and he has realized that it's not kosher under other womens' standards. (In other words his buddy may have had asked his wife for a massage appt. and she freaked and this story got in his head.) If he's had a lot of relationships or a long relationship with a non-trusting partner it's going to affect him, he's going to react in how he knows, it's a way of survival for those with trust issues. I'd let it blow off my shoulder, it's not really something that is affecting your relationship. But, if you are this upset, talk to him hun!
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 6:45 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • I'm not a psychologist, but if your not the type to get upset....then maybe he's feeling like you never show him that you are jealous or that you need him all to yourself. Maybe he wants you to get upset every now and then to show that you do want/need and love him. IMO. I could be wrong.
    CABlonde

    Answer by CABlonde at 4:55 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • Maybe he was joking - maybe it's a topic he and his buddies have discussed - maybe he wants you to get a little possessive... the simple truth is that men DO NOT think like women do but if there's not ever been any mistrust before I wouldn't be upset, personally. Maybe he was fantasizing that you would explode because another woman's hands would be on him. Find a male message therapist and it won't be an issue ROFL. That's probably exactly what I would do. LOL Either way, good luck! :)

    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 5:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • But I do let him know that I love him and won't share him. He's a truck driver, and he'll make comments about the hookers at the truck stops (how skanky they are, stuff like that) and when they knock on his truck, I always tell him he better not make me have to kill a hooker.

    And it's not so much that I don't get upset, exactly. It's just...I'm not one to "explode" as he put it. I get angry and I'll let him know, but I don't just like randomly yell and scream. I try to handle it in a way that actually resolves it. And he'll know I'm angry, because I'll be shaking, or crying, or pacing back and forth or whatever. I just don't blow up and lose my temper.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • I do intend to talk to him. :)

    I just wanted to see if I maybe was overreacting or if I was right in how I'm feeling. It was just...the happy ending thing would have NEVER crossed my mind if he hadn't said something about it. And then when he said he said what he said because I would get mad, I just...I don't know. I guess it just made me wonder? And so that made me mad.

    Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I try to be close, and he acts like it's too much. I try to give him more space, and then I don't communicate, or I'm ignoring him, or something. It's like I can't seem to find the happy medium in there.

    *sigh* Relationships. They suck.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:27 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • I would mention your frustration, but I wouldn't be so over-analytical about his wording.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 9:20 PM on Mar. 12, 2011

  • Yeah I would be upset too but I would ask him if it bothers you so much. I have no problem asking my husband questions and getting it out in the open.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 8:12 PM on Mar. 13, 2011