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Teen step son

I have a 13 year old step son that I've had a terrific relationship with until recently. His father unfortunately works long hours so I have been the primary care giver when he is with us. Recently he has been slacking on chores, and not listening to me. The only way I can get him to listen is to "nag" or tell his father. Either way stresses my husband out and causes more issues. Today his dad had a long talk with him and my stepson said he was going to change...Not 5 minutes later I reminded him about a chore and he seemed like he was going to do it, until his dad left the house. as soon as he did my stepson started arguing with me. I need suggestions on what to do

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Mrs.sk

Asked by Mrs.sk at 11:57 PM on Mar. 12, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • sounds like a normal 13 year old boy. Stop nagging and start taking away things like TV, phone, etc when he doesn't do his chores. Then give him the stuff back when he can consistently do the chore without being nagged for a few days.

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:02 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Well maybe try the approach of when he asks you for something you can say, Yes, you can have such and such when you do such and such. Or, Yes you can go to so and so's house when you do such and such. You need to make him DO what you want, to GET what he wants. Yes, you can watch that show after you do what ever you want him to do, stuff like that. Good luck, even your own teen is a hand ful, let alone a step-child.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 12:04 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Well I've tried taking things away, and not letting him have any privileges and that doesn't work. I have even made a "chore chart' and he doesn't follow the list unless I remind him half a dozen times. I don't ask for much, most things on his list are personal hygiene. Part of me feels like he is doing these things just to push my buttons.
    Mrs.sk

    Comment by Mrs.sk (original poster) at 12:13 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • How long have you taken things away for... after a few days to a week of being with out it will sink in. You have to hold out longer then he does... he's definitely trying to take control of his own body. If it's hygiene stuff back off, other kids will pick up on stuff and he will soon decide to take of these things himself. It's a power struggle for sure and the more you push, the more he'll push back. Pick you battles wisely!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:20 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • It's a hard age for him, remember this! He is going through puberty, and probably very tired. If you haven't had this problem with him before cut him slack, he is a very goooooood child if this is your only problem;)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:26 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I think this is very normal for that age!
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 7:52 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Zero in on what is THE most important thing in the world to him. And take that away until the things get done. Every child has that one thing that is most important. I assume you are doing positive things with him too so the realtionship is not all negative. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:59 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • If he won't listen to you then he should probably stay with his mother unless his father is going to be home
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:59 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Tell your stepson if this continues, maybe he should only visit when his dad is there considering he refuses to listen to you. I bet he'll start listening.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 8:01 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • If most of the things are personal hygiene then I would just have an honest heart to heart talk with him about the fact that girls dont like boys who smell like a locker room or look like a bum. I'm sure there is something else you could take away, or maybe you arent taking things away for long enough. Figure out what is important to him and use that.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:01 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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