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I told my son's dad he cannot see him.... unless he helps me support our son financially.... he got mad and used every excuse possible.... he hardly calls to check on my son and he never offers or asks if our son needs anything. so i simply said "you help out or you will not see him...." i rather work hard and be independent than beg him to help out

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Mar. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • That don't mean nothing, My dd is 10 and I took him to court when she was two for lack of support, and he still does not pay anything. He owes my dd alot of back cs and I do not allow my dd to see him if he can't care fore her like me and her stepdad does. The courts will be on your side if hes a dead beat parent that can't even pay the an y of his child support that is owed. There is too many dead beat parents out there that make babys and don''t take care of them.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 12:59 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • You can NOT deniy visitation for lack of $$ support in America. If he takes you to court for this, you could very well loose custody of the child. GO to court yourself and get a judges order to garnish his pay for the $$ your child deserves and a set visitation order before he screws you.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:42 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I would not recommend doing that if I were you, that can backfire big time if he decides to take you to court...
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 12:42 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • "The courts will be on your side if hes a dead beat parent that can't even pay the an y of his child support that is owed"

    No, they will not. Child support and custody/visitation are two separate things, one does not affect the other (except that they use how many nights/year child spends with either parent to determine amount of child support). If he takes you to court, he will get visitation and you will either have to let him exercise it or risk going to jail for contempt - whether or not you file for child support. Even after you get an order for child support from the court, there's no guarantee he's going to pay, but they can garnish his wages for it.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:06 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • When I had my first daughter her father and I were in the same predicament. For a while I said the same thing you were saying. My grandparents sat down and talked to me about the situation. See they raised me and my sister. Our mother was no where around but every now and then she wanted to show up and play mom. With me, my grandparents just refused to let me see her or be with her, and for that I resented them until I got older and understood why. With my sister, they let her go if she wanted to. After a while my mom began to show her true colors again and eventually my sister pulled away from my mom on her own w/o resenting my grandparents like I did. Moral of the story.... let him see his son regardless of what he does or doesn't do. As your son grows older one of two things will happen.... your son will see him for who he really is or he will straighten up on his own.
    mzangie1011

    Answer by mzangie1011 at 12:53 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • You need to have the arrangements laid out in court.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:58 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Doing this could come back and bite you in the butt. If he decided to take you to court, even if he hasn't paid support, you could get in trouble for preventing him from seeing his child....this could even effect the custody arrangement. The courts want to see the child with a parent who will encourage a healthy relationship with the non-custodial parent. Visitation and child support are two separate issues and you cannot withhold visitation for lack of support.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 9:25 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I know why you feel as you do and it is understanable. How frustrating. You are right you can be independent and raise him and support him on your own. But that doesn't mean cutting ties with dad. Your child needs to know both parents love him. Being a good mom means understanding you are not going to let this petty asshole get to you. It means even if he is a dick for not supporting his child you understand your child still needs his father. Your child doesn't get the money issues. He wil only get dad doesn't come around. So if this sad little man wants to spend time with your child, I would let him. For my child's sake nit because I think so highly of the ass. And I would also continue to politely go to to court to have a judge decide the child support issue.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:00 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Think of it this way. You are not denying your ex the right to see his child. You are denying your child his father. And no matter how much you think this guy is an ass, it is your child's father and he does have a right to know him.


    In addition, the others are correct when they say that visitation and support are two separate issues. A judge will not look favorably on you for doing this. If you do not have court orders for visitation or for support, get both, but keep in mind, even when those are in place you can not deny visitation for lack of support payment.

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:34 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • So, you are telling your child that because his father doesn't pay child support he is allowed to have a father? That is very sad for you child. And you can't do that legally. All Dad has to do is take it to court tell them your denying visitation and you will be in trouble especially if there is a court order. This is only going to hurt your child and it will not end favorably for anyone.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:52 AM on Mar. 13, 2011