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How do I talk to my mother about this?

My mother works a lot so she don't get to come to my house as often as she and I would like and see me and my 20 month old DD and DD is really shy and she does not like to go to people she is not use to being around everyday...well. My Mom while shes at my house want to hold hug and kiss DD..But, DD don't won't to..and she will cry..My mom which means well I know..Picks DD up anyway and hugs and kisses as she wants..upsetting DD..I am afraid if I tell my mom not to it will hurt her feelings..so I try not to say anything..My DD is only 20 month old and just don't want people picking her up that she is not use to on a daily bases..But, On the other hand I want my mom to kiss hug and hold her granddaughter..They say never to force unwonted attention on a child..

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newbabystarr09

Asked by newbabystarr09 at 1:03 AM on Mar. 13, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 9 (348 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I feel for you :( I would take your mom's pic doing things, folding laundry (have her pretend lol), reading in her house, with her pets, at work and make a book and read it before grandma is coming over. Say things to your dd, Grandma loves us, she used to hug me when i was a little girl and and you hug her too.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 1:06 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Let grammie have her kisses and cuddles. The child WILL get used to an affectionate Grammie. Grammie dosnt get to see her often enough. The child is younge and wont remember this in 12 years. It makes Mom happy. Let her kiss and cuddle.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 1:07 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I understand your concerns but actually attention and touch are important to a baby's development. Be glad that your mother is there to hug and hold her when you are not! Also, this is healthy because it helps your baby get used to being held by someone other than you. Too much attachment to the mother can be bad and indicate behavioral problems later down the road. A healthy view of other people can prevent temper tantrums and crying spells. Perhaps ask your mom to start out gradually to let the baby adjust. I think this is both fair to her and to the baby. Good luck!
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 1:10 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • The time your mom does have with your dd is very important for both of them. Your mom doesn't have much time couse she works so when she does get the chance to see her grand daughter is proberly very speacial to your mom. After a while your dd will stop fighting grandma love and enjoy and even want grandma. When my mom was around, my kids were all very close with her even though sometimes they didn't get to see her that often.


    p.s. talking about her to your baby could also help her and you.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 1:15 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • We had that problem too. But I would just tell my dd to use her big girl words and say no when she didn't want to be picked up or talked to. So whenever someone would say something to her she'd tell them no instead of fussing or being upset. After a while when she was comfortable she would approach the person for a hug and kisses. I just never believed in making her do something that she wasn't comfortable with. But then my parents understood that she was kinda spoiled to being around me all the time too. So they gave her the space she wanted. Now you can't get her to leave their house.

    Danni143

    Answer by Danni143 at 1:21 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • In some parenting classes they say to respect a child's boundaries. The idea is by teaching your child it is okay to violate her personal space it sends the message that people can do that and it is okay. If her insticts tell her I am not comfortable and I don't want to be touched - then it should be respected. Touch is important for attatchment. Attatchment to her primary caregivers. Which your mom is not. You want your child to understand that when she says no - no does mean no and she has the right to mean it. If it is a matter of safety then of course people invade her personal space. Until then she has the right to choose who to hug or not hug. Who to reject or not reject. You can encorage games with grandma that have elements of touch in them. Pat a cake, peek a boo, and reading stories. Simple play to start out slow rather than be so aggressive with
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:15 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • affection. When the trust is there she will allow grandma to be in her space. By allowing grandma to be univited you teach her not to trust her insticts. In the mean time encouraging her to blow kisses is good. She will have the distance but is warming up. Have grandma play those cute silly games and dance around the kitchen. Soon your girl may be rockin in grandma's arms.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:19 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Have a list of things ready in your head that she can do with the baby. Playing on the foor (all sit together there and visit), blowing bubbles, play dough, coloring maybe.............just ideas for having them interact and not the cuddling. And I think you need to have a talk with your mom that these things will help your daughter. She deserves to make this adjustment gradually. GL!!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:46 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I agree with vbruno!
    older

    Answer by older at 10:50 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I would talk with your mom. She's the adult in this case and I really don't believe in making children upset to sooth an adult. Your mom needs to realize that your daughter really doesn't know her and work on seeing her more often before she is forcing unwanted affection on your daughter.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:51 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

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