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If ur dh says he is ready 2 change & will go 2 counseling, will counselling help him really change?

He was flirting with other girls @ his work & really I am just sick about it. I found out cause 1 came up 2 me @ walmart & pretty much rubbed it in my face. He says he wants 2 change -& supposedly has & will do anything like counselling, find a new job, be a stay @ home dad, etc. He seems actually desperate to get back with me. Like excessively desperate. Anyways does counselling really help men change?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on Mar. 13, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I have been through this before and you have to be careful that he's not just feeding you what you want to hear so you can stay with him "until he can get counseling." Some men will drag that part out forever. Tell him that if he's serious, write down what he's willing to do and you can also set a timeline for dates by when these items should be done. Have him sign it. and you keep the original. You have to be very specific or they will find a loophole to use as an excuse. Make sure you specify that he agrees to counseling several times a month and that it is continuous until you are satisfied with the results. Mine apparently mistook me for someone dumb and tried to say that an agreement for counseling twice a month was the same as going 2 times in 1 year. LOL. If you do not set limits and stick to those limits, they will run over you every time. Psychologists tend to be better than plain counselors, too.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:49 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • HE really has to wantthe change but also be open and willing to do the work it is going to take to make the change
    redneckmomma21

    Answer by redneckmomma21 at 4:02 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • He told me he was flirting. And so did the random girl ran into. I really want to keep it together but i am hurt. I wish i was strong like u
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:15 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • That's a big trusting issue, it may take a while to get back into your normal everyday relationship! But from personal experience yes he can change as long as he wants too, and he's willing! I was a counselor for over 3 yrs and having a husband who went for anger managment yes! Just support him and shopw him the true woman that you are! He will be crawling over to you like a baby on 2 hands!

    Don't give up though it sounds like he truly loves you, and knows that he messed up! Did you know about 65% men will refuse to go to counseling? Isn't that crazy!

    That's another reason why you know he's being honest :) Good Luck I wish the best for your relationship! Don't give up it's for the better before it gets worse.
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 5:07 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Even though experience is usually a good thing, when it comes to matters of the heart it's the exact opposite. The women who already gave you advice, based their answers and their relationships. I agree that he seems willing to change but some of the other advice was slightly off. Most women who have been in the situation where you are and have looked the other way and have claimed not to care, only give you the same advice because it's what they would want to hear if they asked the question. If other people agree, it has to be true, right? Well that'a not exactly true. And the ones who only look at the negative facts and don't reprehend the others have probably went through the same thing and didn't get the results they desired and are now bitter. They want other women to feel their pain, because misery loves company. I think the first women had a point, counseling should be immediate and not something to put off.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 5:21 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I think that if he is willing to change jobs and go to other extents to cut ties with all women he previously flirted with then they must not have a great importance to him. Some people naturally flirt and don't even realize it. This is their way of communicating with people and getting a positive response. I used to be the same way. I believe that by going to therapy, they can teach him a different way to approach people and how to form outside relationships with people without having a flirty nature. I think it's important for you to know that my feelings are not ruled by past relationships. I usually feel that people do not deserve second chances, but I honestly believe he just needs to learn different ways to converse. Old habbits die hard. I prefer to stay single and am actually coming close to ending a relationship for the need of independence. I believe this gives me a clear mind rather than using a tattered heart.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 5:26 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • yes it will help if it is reeally what he wants.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 8:50 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I TOTALLY AGREE WITH HELLOKITTYKAT. SHE TOOK MY ANSWER RIGHT OUT MY MOUTH. GOOD LUCK HUNN.
    ryahzMommy

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 8:58 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Counseling doesn't necessarily help anyone to change. What it does is put things into perspective and help you to understand your "self." And your best choice for this is a psychologist. If he's really willing to do this, find a reputable professional and make sure he makes and keeps an appointment as soon as possible. You may want to go with him for the first few sessions so you can both "lay your feelings on the line" and confront them together. Counseling will only help if you go with an open mind and are willing to change negative attitudes and behaviors. I've been with my psychologist now for over 10 years. She's helped me tremendously in many worse scenarios.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:57 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Nobody changes unless they really want to and even so, even with the best of intentions, change can still be hard and men (and women) often revert back to their old selves. Therapy can help, but there is no guarantee. There is no crystal ball that anyone can look into and predict whether an individual will be successful or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

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