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5 Bumps

Is it wrong to lead your partner into dumping you?

My fiancée has done nothing wrong but I just don't have feelings for him anymore. I've learned that I prefer to be single and independent rather than to lean on someone else. I just want to be able to do things on my own for once in my life. I'm too much of a coward to dump him because I sincerely don't want to hurt his feelings. Since e has no negative feelings towards me, I feel like he'll have no other emotion to feed off of other than pain. Ex., if your husband cheats on you and you kick him out. While you're emotional distraught with pain, you have anger that is working against that pain to extinguish it. If I acted in ways to make him angry with me forcing him to end the relationship, while he'll still be upset, he will have anger to help him deal. Opinions? And yes I am asking because I am cowardly and concerned.

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TiffanieK

Asked by TiffanieK at 4:46 AM on Mar. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • I think your best bet would be to bite the bullet and tell him how you feel. It would be much better to end things on a good note than to drive him away on purpose. Just be calm about it, and plan out what you want to say. Your a grown up now and you want to be independent, and part of independence is stepping up to the plate and facing your problems head on! good luck girl, updates if you would! I hope everything goes well for you.
    kayceeisit

    Answer by kayceeisit at 4:50 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I somewhat agree, though it is kind of wrong to lie to him.
    BUT, before I got together with my husband, I dated a guy throughout high school, who I eventually lost all feelings for (He was no good for me anyways always in drugs & trouble.), but he was seriously in love with me for some reason. I ended up dumping him, and now to this day, he stalks me. On the internet, and in person. Ive filed complaints on him several times. But since he's never done anything to harm me, I can't get a restraining order. So untilt he day comes that he does go phsyco on me or my family, I just have to sit back & watch for him basicly.
    Anyways, I thought about what would have heppened if I would have led him to dumping me instead of dumping him. I think he wouldnt have been so obsessed now.
    It just depends on the guy, and the relationship. You shouldnt still go on as nothing is wrong though, you should tell him how you feel though. Good luck
    Jessica1991

    Answer by Jessica1991 at 4:53 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • No! It's not wrong of you! Your going by your true feelings I think what your doing is a great idea! Why spend your life with someone not being happy Eventually you both wouldn't be happy together after a year or 2 if this is how you feel now. Don't feel like a coward! I give you double kudos :) Independence is awesome!

    I was in the same situation and I felt bad, I knew I hurt the guy but I did not have the same feelings as he did for me! In the long run they will appreciate you much more. And will accept the fact that it is, how it is! :)

    I hope this helps :)
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 5:01 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Just be honest and break up with him. I understand where you're coming from but when you break it down, he didn't do anything to you, so why do anything to make him mad? He'll be confused, mad and sad instead of just sad. Good luck no matter what you decide on.
    Cosetterose

    Answer by Cosetterose at 6:31 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • You should be upfront with him. Before you end up married to him... Don't make him an enemy. good luck. :)
    Autumn07

    Answer by Autumn07 at 7:16 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • you could also tell him you need some "space" to think about things, kinda separate yourself from him. that might help him to handle it better than an abrupt end.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 8:21 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I am sure that is really hard, but you need to be honest with him, if its easier then maybe sit down and write all your feelings down and even show it to him. I will be honest, i did that to a guy yrs before i got married to my husband, and it seemed no matter what i did he just never got it, so i believe you have to be honest no matter how hard it will be.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 8:28 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST SIT DOWN AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH. YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT IN THE LONG RUN IF YOUR HONEST WITH HIMITS A CHANCE THAT YOU GUYS COULD STILL BE GOOD FRIENDS AND THEREWOULD BE NO HARD FEELINGS AFTERWARDS.
    ryahzMommy

    Answer by ryahzMommy at 8:56 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • That is terrible.. You want to do something that will cause him to be angry enough that he doesn't notice the pain.. And what happens when the anger wears off and he is left with the pain.. You will just make the process even longer.. This is a person we are talking about.. A person who loves you and you want to toy with his emotions just to make things easier for you.. If you are such a coward, and can't face him, send him an email or something.. Show the man a little respect..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 9:08 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • You would not be kind to him by making him break up with you, as anger is often a lot harder to get over than sadness.

    Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. He deserves that.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:37 AM on Mar. 13, 2011

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