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Any advice on how to start talking about adoption...

Our son is three years old and has started pre-school. He is doing well and is
making friends. We have not informed his other classmates and parents about his adoption, nor do we feel it was necessary to do so at this time. We didn't feel that we needed to tell people we did not know well our story. We do plan on letting him know on how our family has been formed in the near future. We do have the support of our family and friends and our church. I am having a dificult time with
when and how to tell new people in our life. Any suggestions?

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Asked by anne22 at 6:47 PM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (5)
  • People that are just acquaintances don't need to know unless it just comes up for some reason. I mean I have kids who are adopted and also a birth child. I don't tell people that I meet on the street if my birth child came to us vaginally or by c-section. lol As far as your son and normal every day life, we just talk normally about adoption just like every other subject. We want it to be an open topic in our home and we want to keep communication lines open. I would suggest making a story to tell him about how God brought your family together and tell it just like any other story at that age.

    Answer by mommy9 at 7:11 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I also have an adopted son. He has known from the time he was able to understand. He is happy, He does want one day to meet his birth parents with nothing but positive feelings.
    It may be helpful or not, I hope so. Get the book by Jamie Lee curtis. Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born. My son is 13 and he still reads this book. He likes it so much because he says when he grows up he hopes to have children and he is difinately adopting.
    Good Luck to you.

    Answer by aajsluckymommy at 8:24 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Perhaps discuss it with him a few days before, and find a story telling book to show kids. There are some great books on adoption, and you can even make one up yourself, just do it with pictures, maybe a scrapbook, with as much information about his first family in it too.

    The earlier you include it into regular conversation, the better off you'll all be. I know several adoptees who knew from day 1, and they seem to be pretty well adjusted. The ones who didn't find out until later all had a big shock in their life. It's like at that age, time stood still on their love for family and everything. In your story for him, assure him how much you fell in love with him, and how lucky you were to have him. Good luck!

    Answer by sizesmith at 10:32 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • We have never kept our adoption a secret. We always tell our girls about their "tummy mommy". They obviously dont know what exactly that entails, but we just found it alot easier to keep that open so we dont ever have to worry about having the "talk". And we are always VERY open about our adoption to anyone that wants to listen. We had such a good experience with adoption, we would love to share that with others. You never know who is listening.

    Answer by adoptivemommy24 at 1:08 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I don't see any point whatsoever in telling anyone outside your family that your son is adopted...who cares. Why would you even think it was anyone else's business? I do think he should know though. The longer you wait, the harder it may be for him. It's going to be hard for you no matter when you tell him. As far as telling people outside your family, if the topic came up, I would discuss it, but it sounded like you feel you have to make some big announcement to the school and his friends and their parents. I think the only thing that would accomplish is making your son feel like a square peg in a round hole. Just my opinion.

    Answer by RentaMom at 12:04 AM on Dec. 2, 2008

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