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I dont want to be jealous but I really am SO hurt--Please help.

My sister, who I have a strained relationship with due to the fact that I spoke up and said something another member of my family did was wrong (inappropriate sexual stuff) is friends with me on facebook, but I cant see anything she posts on her wall, only pictures. She is giving me the silent treatment, ignoring my calls, except she returned my calls twice w/o leaving a message-once I wasn't home, the other time I tried to pick up but it was blank on the other side. I am hurt by this b/c we are 15 yrs apart-I'm the older one and I doted on her from day one b/c I fell in love with her, and I was also hoping when we got older we'd be close friends. her teens she moves to this town where she's really close to this family and another gal 2 yrs younger than me. They become best friends. She does favors constantly for the family, helping with this and that. Another gal she helps with her kids all the time, after church its like "let me do this" "I'll change her!" Me????? " Sis your kid needs a diaper-go change it!!" "You need me to help you with the kids or watch them so you can go do laundry ALONE FOR ONCE??" "I"m too busy-you had the kids!!" That hurts me because I feel like this other family was reaping the fruits of my labor when she was younger-and this was all before the stuff with the other family member being appropriate happened. We did hang out every now and then, but the other family was clearly number one in her book. :(

For her sweet 16th birthday party, mom and dad threw her a big party at a pizza place (of which I'm gonna scrapbook to hopefully show her how much I love her, as well as one for Grandma and Grandpa -though when I told Grandpa about it on the phone it didn't sound like he cared. For her 20th birthday, she apparently got 1) to have her friends around her and 2) a pink Kitchenaid mixer-the fancy one cooks dream about. I was partly happy for her when I saw that but partly jealous too. All I EVER got for my birthdays was a homemade birthday cake in a pyrex pan, roses, and a few small gifts. I remember one year from Christmas I asked for a DVD player (because I was just starting on my own, and I knew VCR's were going to be obsolete soon, so I figured I may as well skip them, and I didn't think mom and dad should have to spend the extra money on a player that played both-I wasn't trying to be greedy) so what did I get? A VCR, and a cheap one at that. I dont know why, but if for some reason money was an issue (but their finances never changed drastically to my awareness) they could have just said they couldn't afford it and gotten me something different instead of just ignoring my wishes.

I want to have a gracious attitude-but there is part of me that wants to call them up and mention the VERY EXPENSIVE mixer-and how I never got something that nice-or a sweet 16 party-OR even a gift from them from the tiny baby shower they threw me. How much do you wanna bet when my sister has a baby she's (she's technically my half-sister by my dad, btw...but its never felt like it) gonna get one BIG BANG of a party, loaded with top-of-the-line gifts?? I dont know what to make of this but it makes me feel they love her more than they do me....I've thought though of trying to save up and getting HER a pink cricut...should I?? and is there a NICE way to say something to my mom?? We talk, it's just strained-but I at least tell her I love her. Oh, I made nice comments on her fb page about the mixer, a few seconds after she responded to someone else-she ignored me and "liked" everyone else's comments but mine. Is she just hurt b/c of our strained relationship and giving me the cold shoulder-or is she spoiled and not even caring that I NEVER got something that nice??? Please help you guys. This hurts so bad I wanna cry every time I think about it.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Mar. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (35)
  • I think maybe your sister just needs alittle time. My sister is like that a lot. All I do is give her some time. I don't call her or try to make a point to talk to her. I say away and after a week I will try talking to her to see if her mood has changed. I wouldn't trying bring up the subject that made her upset with you. Now about your mom, I would just sit down with her and let her know what is going on and what is upsetting you. If she's anything like my mom she will probably know how to fix you and your sister. She's your mom and she loves you and she will listen to what ever you have to say to her.

    Answer by momoftwins250 at 12:59 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • In all honesty, and I'm not trying to be mean here, but it sounds to me like you are doing nothing but whining how your 15 year younger sister has gotten what you haven't gotten. She probably is upset that you compare like you do. You need to get past the past and look at the present and future.......and maybe quit putting so much emphasis on materialistic things.


    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I'd save my money and get what I want for myself. Sounds like you're trying to buy her affection. Focus on your own life. You're wasting time being all wrapped up in hers and what she's doing. As far as addressing your feelings with your parents...Sure, go for it but be honest about your feelings. One thing I've learned over the years is to not keep people in my life who don't add anything positive to it. "Don't make someone a priority in your life when you're only an option in theirs."

    Answer by AlliPerry at 1:01 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I'm NOT putting emphasis on materialistic things-do you think it's GOOD for parents to spoil on kid over others?? Excuse me for being hurt by it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:02 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Also, allaboutkeeley, you didn't address WHY my parents are buying so much nicer things for my sister than me....and if she is irritated that I'm "whining" then maybe she should try and look at things from my point of view. I'm NEVER gonna do that to my kids, btw...I try to make it even, and if I get one big gift for one, I do the same for the other, b/c I love BOTH of them, and dont want one of them to be hurt.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:06 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I hate to bring it up, but if her mother is not your birth mother.....then that could be a big reason why. I'm sure she never intended to spoil her more, but she just may have a closer "connection" with your sister since she is her bio mom. I know that sucks to hear, but it might be the truth.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:15 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Sorry-we have the same birth mother, different fathers.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:18 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Well, i guess it could go the other way too. The man she is married to is her birth father, that probably makes the bond between the three of them a little tighter.

    My ex husband had 2 kids when we married. When our DD was born, he definitely gave her more attention & i can honestly say that their bond is stronger. It sucks real bad. He had such a negative relationship with his other kids mom, that i think it made it harder for him to bond with them.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:21 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • My honest thoughts on this is you are having a pity party. I understand being hurt, but its time to grow up and get over it. Focus on your own life and do what you need to do to be happy. It sounds like you are obsessed with her her and the attention/material things she's getting. Focus on your own life, and move on.

    Answer by KWnavywife at 1:23 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • So you're saying the reason for her getting treated so much better is the tighter bond??? I'm really not trying to be petty over materialistic stuff. I mean, I'd love to have a mixer like that but my sis would honestly use the thing better than me, as she's fast becoming a better cook. But for my parents to give her stuff like that, AND a big party and I never got a big-ticket item even ONE TIME, does hurt!! No one has said whether it's OK for parents to do that-I personally think it's wrong.

    And my way of trying to be gracious was to put nice comments up on my sisters page. But then she ignores me, of course. And I'm also trying to be nice by putting those scrapbooks together, which I'm new at so it takes me significantly longer than someone more experienced/skilled.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:26 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

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