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4 Bumps

Does any SAHM feel the same way?

I feel like I lost my independence and I hate always having to ask my hubby for money. I'm a person who will sacrifice anything to buy stuff for my son. Hell If I need underwear and he needs something, I'll put of my needs for his. My husband is not like that at all. I just wish If I wanted to buy something for my son sometimes I didn't always have to give a "logical" reason for it. Anyone else?

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gutterflower585

Asked by gutterflower585 at 3:55 PM on Mar. 13, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,406 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • No I dont feel that way. If I need something for the kids I just take the debit card and buy it. I dont even ask my dh. Its as much my money and his because were married, and the kids are our kids, not just his or mine.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:57 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • i kinda feel ya ther... it also makes a difference in how much the husband makes, if he made more i would prob do the same just take the card and go but we have other bills that need to be taken care of first and want to make sure that we know where the money is going. But i totally agree with not having the independce and having to ask for it. But i also dont really have to explain it and if he has the extra cash then he is more than willing to give it up. if ya ever want to chat message me
    jaksonsmommy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 4:02 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Well, no. My husband lets me buy whatever I want. I don't have to ask, and he doesn't keep track. I actually don't even think he notices most of the time. However, he often tells me I waste money, and that annoys me. He tells me I may as well just take money and throw it in a trash can, lol. He's not actually mad or anything, it's more of a teasing way. He makes a lot of big purchases (motorcycles, electronics, etc), and I buy a lot of random stuff that to be honest, we don't need. Ok, I'm rambling, but....I can see how that would be frustrating for you. I would hate to have to ask permission. I would just tell him that your child needs it, plain and simple, and that is all the explanation you're giving. You shouldn't have to argue your case over every little thing you buy. My husband has questioned me a few times on stuff and it really irritated me.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:03 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • No, I have a debit card attached to our joint account and I buy whatever my kids need. If it's going to be a larger purchase (like a couple pairs of shoes), I'll talk to him first just to make sure he doesn't have that money planned to go somewhere else, but it's not really "asking".
    Why don't you talk to him and agree on an amount to spend/month on clothing and miscellaneous expenses. That way you are both on the same page about what is reasonable and you'll have the money handy when you want to spend it.
    Also, I sell all my kids toys and clothes they have outgrown on craigslist. Maybe you could make a little extra money of your own?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:03 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I don't have to ask for money. I'm the tight wad LOL. He is asking me to buy stuff. I always buy things for my children over myself.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 4:03 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Not really. If my kids need something, I just go buy it. Yes I'm a SAHM but my husband and I both agree that its our money. Just because I don't have a "job" out side our home doesn't mean I don't work.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 4:04 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I want to add...while he's technically making the money, you're both earning it. You're doing your job at home, and his job is no more important than yours. He should see you guys as a team. You're doing your part for what is best for your family, while he does his. It's a team effort to make it work, so all money should be shared.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:04 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I'm in the camp of people who have to "ask" for the money but it doesnt bother me because I know he'll just give it to me unless whatever it is that I want is out of the budget.
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 4:07 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I used to, and it wasn't becasue I wasn't "allowed" to buy things or do things, It was just because I did it myself. I wouldn't buy things unless it was needed, etc. and with my husband gone for work (he travels alot) I just felt like the kids were always my responsibility. So I decided to do something for me to gain back my independence. I got a babysitter and started going back to school. When I'm done with school I'm going to get a job. Not because we need the money, (neither of us likes to spend money very often). but because it is something I am doing for ME.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 4:12 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • my DF is pretty good about giving me money if i need it. i even asked for an allowance lol. the baby gets what he needs, and thats never a problem. my biggest problem is not supporting myself or providing help financially. ive worked my whole life, holding at least two jobs and never taking days off if i can. now im completely dependent of my DF for money. and it drives me nuts!! but i am working on a business from home so i can have the best of both worlds
    Arretsmomma5

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 4:20 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

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