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How do I write a letter to explain to my son about why I had to give him up?

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Asked by AndyCandy1969 at 4:38 PM on Mar. 13, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Just be honest, pour your heart out in this letter.

    Answer by older at 4:40 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • How old is your son? If I may ask?

    Answer by babysavy9 at 4:42 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • 14 I guess I'm looking for an example of one so I can start mine. Father to a son letter

    Comment by AndyCandy1969 (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Honesty, honesty, honesty, don't hide anything at this point. I have one of those letters to write too. Good luck

    Answer by parajumper3 at 4:44 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • awww thats a toughy. how old is he now? when did you give him up? does he know you? first start off with an intro if he doesnt know you. tell him about yourself now. let him know you think of him often and you are so proud of how far he has come, despite you not being there. then explain how sometimes things dont work out the way we want. to give him a good life that he deserves, meant for you to not be his sole provider. you wanted something for him, that you were incapable of giving him at the time. if you are able to visit, and have contact with him, then you could try and be apart of his life as his birth mother/ auntie. it may be hard for him to grasp if he is young and never knew you, or even if he did remember you. but i think letting him know you think of him and want whats best for him, will help. GL i know its tough, but good for you for reaching out!!

    Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 4:44 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I think Its best to start it out with pouring out your heart and just being honest about everything. Looking at a sample letter wouldn't be genuine in my opinion.

    Answer by babysavy9 at 4:49 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • as someone who placed a child for adoption years ago and had to do the same thing... just be honest with the circumstances at that time in your life of why you chose to give him a better life than what you could at that point in yours... he will respect you more if not now later for your respect and honesty.. the very best of luck to you and by the way that was a very unselfish choice you made!

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 5:21 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • I think you should ask him first if he wants to know. Second find out what his questions for you are and third answer his questions in your letter. I would also first send a letter of introduction opening the door if he has questions he can write back and you can answer them.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 13, 2011

  • Be honest, include details of what happened and how you felt, and make sure he doesnt blame himself. Offer the opportunity for him to write back or call you if he wants, but let him know that you will understand if he doesnt want to talk and that his decision will be respected.

    Answer by amber710 at 12:56 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Whatever you do, do not say you gave him up out of love or for monetary reasons. Saying you gave him up because you loved him sets him up to believe love equals leaving and could set him up for failure in his adult relationships. Using money could make him nervous about his parents finances in this economic climate. Use this phrase " i gave you up because I was unable to parent at that time". This makes sense, it accepts it was your responsibility, and if you've gone on to have other children explains why you didn't give them up too. Also because you didn't say "I couldn't parent YOU at that time" it's not about him. Adoptees often feel that there was something wrong with them that made their mothers give them away so you'll want to avoid that.


    Answer by onethentwins at 1:37 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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