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About disliking inlaws

Last year I refused to attend family functions due to a well known drug dealer being present. I was made to look like the black sheep for not attending and still am to this day. I started to attend once the guy got jailed in the fall of 2007. Three weeks ago the mother of the girl came out and questioned me saying in front of others that my daughter's boyfriend was a drug dealer. My daughter and her b/f live in another country, he has never done drugs and this family knows nothing about him. They've never met him. I was floored she would blurt something out like this out of the blue. As a result I do not want to attend family functions but my husband makes me look like I'm in the wrong. I have never felt I belonged in this family and am actually looking at returning to my home country after my son graduates from grade 12 in May of 2009. How do I cope in the meantime?

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Asked by idawmn at 9:05 PM on Nov. 23, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • I forgot to add that the drug dealer was the b/f of my husband's niece who was on probation for drugs and not to be associating with him. What gets me is that for people who are all professionals they have no common sense.

    Answer by idawmn at 9:07 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • I would keep my distance and just wait it out. no need to go asking for them to be rude. I am sorry she did that to you and that your husband is not standing up for you.

    Answer by vbongard at 9:28 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • This sounds so dramatic. I hate drama. So I don't go around it. You can either participate in it or you can say you don't need it and not be around it. Your husband may think you are wrong for this but it sounds like you are planning on leaving him when your son graduates from high school. You don't really sound invested in a relationship in with your husband. I'm not saying this is wrong. I'm not judging. But if you are not really invested in your mariage or your husband's family, why put yourself through all the drama. I personally wouldn't put any stock into what some one else says about my child or her SO. Who cares? You know your daughter and it doesn't matter what these people say about her. You have to decide if this is worth it to you for the sake of your husband or if it just doesn't even matter at all b/c there just is no future there.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:31 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • frogdawg is wise once again. Listen to her words of wisdom

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:35 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

  • Thanks for replies. I moved 2200 miles to marry this man and while I love him despite all, he just doesn't seem to stand behind me when it comes to his family. I told him I would gladly sponsor him in my old homeland; he says he has 3 years til retirement which I understand so he can't come now. I told him I would go back, get a job, get a place and then submit papers. It would probably take about 2 years for approval anyhow. Friends say they don't see him moving, too attached to his 78 year old mother. I'm 50 and he's 59. Life is too short for the nonsense.

    Answer by idawmn at 9:39 PM on Nov. 23, 2008

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