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3 Bumps

FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO SUPPORT

OK so this is the same argument that i have with my husband since my son was born. I work 40 hrs a week 8:30am to 6:30pm daily. my mom baby sits on the days i am working and on some wed. and Thurs. my husband works overtime. Well i don't know how to open his eyes for him to be more sensitive to me. the days i don't have my some i spend them cleaning, laundry, cooking (on occasion) and everything i couldn't do with my son home. i get so frustrated for example today(my day off). i woke up at 5am because of my son. he went back to sleep at around 7am but stayed up and paid all the bills. abut 2pm i decided to take a nap while my son did but at 2:30 he woke up. all while i am taking care of my son my husband is on the ps3. then he decides to take a long nap while i am left caring for my son . i tried t0 go and plant the flower seeds i bought and watch my son at the same time. nope didn't work out like i wanted. i decided to watch a movie and at 8:45p my son fell asleep. after the movie at 10:45pm my husband decided to take pics of the baby waking him up with the flash and sound the camera makes. it is now 12:50am and my husband has been asleep and my son just fell asleep. now i have to wash and sterilize bottle, pack his diaper bag for my mom to pick him up at 8am, wash and dry all of my uniforms for work and be at work for 8:30am. my husband thinks that i should tell him when i want to do things like take a shower but i don't think i should have to if i have been on baby patrol all day. he should recognize that i haven't eaten or showered. he got very upset with me when i complained about it today. i don't know what to do.

Answer Question
 
jfrancis91680

Asked by jfrancis91680 at 12:56 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 8 (240 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Husbands can be a bit slow on the uptake, honey. Get used to it. Spell it out. Make a list of what you want him to do and when. Write it down, if necessary. Honestly, you are NOT alone on this. My husband's idea of helping is to allow me to put kids shows on the tv for a little while if I have to do laundry or other housework. He doesn't lift a finger to help unless specifically asked and notified ahead of time, in advance, in triplicate.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 1:00 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • its a give take thing you cant expect him to just take over trust me i tryed this with mine. we love our men but they can be so blind. you need to talk to him and let him know what you want and need even if it as stupid as a shower and 5 min to eat. they are just big kids them selfs and for all you women that your husbands just do it i aplode you you are a lucky bunch of chicks
    blinkys11

    Answer by blinkys11 at 1:02 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • after 32yrs of bliss i to have had this with my loving hubby when the kids where younger i was to clean house cook a meal and look after 5 kids yes my adouring hubby would look around our home say you now this works great we work together i had to laugh at him because he slept through the hole thing .i also cut grass and feed farm annimals so hubby could sleep ,now that i am 53yrs old i no longer look after the kids do all house work or cook a great meal .since i no longer can stand no more then 5min before i fall ,i am the one who says wow look what i did to day i am glad i can keep house so clean with out my input nothing would get done and he laughs
    will it get better in time you need to leave with the child on your day off and have some fun go away .your hubby needs to grow up it will take time but don't give up there is a man inside needs to step up to the plate and good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 1:08 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • If you want to take a nap or shower or something and he's there just hand him the baby and tell him you will indisposed for x amount of hours. They are usually pretty clueless...or selfish and just don't see anything past their own nose. I'm a SAHM and I still hand the kids off to my husband when he walks in the door. Well, I used to when my older 3 were little because I had 3 kids under 3 and when he got home from work I was exhausted, having only had a few hours of sleep and dealing with 3 babies/toddlers all day. I would then go take a nap or whatever for a couple hours so I could relax. Now we just have the 1 baby and I can actually rely more on the older kids (now 10, 9 and 8) to help with him than my husband. So, yeah, it doesn't get any better as you get older. It is frustrating, though.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 2:22 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Ur hubby sounds selfish...tell him participate more...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • my husband is the same way you have to speak up and tell them that this is what you need and want after working a long day; yes you understand that he works also but since you both are working he needs to pitch in more and help out more around the house and with the children.  It can be like pulling teeth with some men and sometimes something drastic needs to happen or be done before they will open their eyes and see what is going on and realize they need to help

    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 8:49 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Honestly, I would just say, "Hey, will you keep an eye on Jack while I go do x, y and z." and then leave the room to get started on whatever. You have to speak up, or he won't know what's bugging you. Also, I'd tell him since he woke the baby, he can get him back to sleep! lol
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:51 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Although I agree that he should know when you need to shower, etc he obviously doesn't so tell him what you need. You might even talk about a schedule for your days off a few days beforehand and write down what you agree to. Negotiate time for each of you........you each need equal alone time. This would include wanting to plant your seeds, taking a nap, showering, his time on the ps3, etc. And schedule in family time too. Put it in black and white writing to get started. Might sound silly but it can help a lot. And it is his job also to help around the house. Both parents have this responsibility. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:17 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Where do you live?
    I would love to talk with you we have so so so so much in common with our issues.
    LOL,
    Sarah
    newathis918

    Answer by newathis918 at 11:27 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • LOL, at least 2/3 of this I could have written verbatem several years ago. Still a struggle. Once in a while I leave my dh home with my child for 8 hours or have to go out of town overnight on business which has a splendid impact and improves his appreciation of what I do and he gives me a great more help (after a 12 hour nap or so) for a few weeks before the cycle starts again. I have found that over time a gentle hint just isn't going to cut it and I will have to announce on Friday, ok I need you to watch DS from x time to x time so I can take a shower, tend the garden and go to the store. Gentle hints don't cut it. It does get easier as kids grow and become a little more independant. You can also try the household strike where you do as little as possible to maintain a cleanly sanitary existence and when he fusses point out that this is what happens when your on strike and you are waiting around for him to do his share.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 11:28 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

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