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How do I help my 3yr old understand?

My 3yr old (well almost 3) is about to have a baby sister (anytime now) and well I just don't know how he will react to her because of the way he acts towards my SIL's DD (who is almost 2) they live with us for the time being. He acts as though he "hates" her, always hitting her and yelling at her, and god forbid she touch me or his daddy...! He even gets jealous if my DH kisses or hugs his mommy, it's just not aloud in his mind...! I don't know what I'm going to do when the baby gets here and he starts getting jealous of her, I'm afraid of what he might do, and I could really use some advise on how to help him through his jealousy and help him understand....

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Asked by lilliedoll at 1:25 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 11 (558 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I'm a little worried about that with my daughter as well. She is going to be two this month and is just getting out of her jealous phase. I can't say for your situation but my plan for when her baby sister/brother (idk yet) gets here, I know what i'm going to do any maybe you can get something from it. I have started playing with her when she plays with her baby dolls. (not sure how you feel about your son playing with dolls but it might be good roll playing to get him an idea of what is to come). i congratulate her when she does anything sweet with the baby dolls, lots of praise. she loves helping me around the house. so i plan on using that to help her bond with the new baby. getting her to retreive diapers and hand me wipes, hand me soap when i give the baby a bath, etc. and try to spend a certain amount of time with just me and her. ( reading with her, playing with blocks, etc..) I suggest you try this.

    Answer by CrimsonHaze at 2:02 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • When the baby comes put him to work helping you with the baby. Have him bring the powder, the pins(if you use cloth diapers) , if you use the other kind have him bring you the diaper, and anything else that you can think of, that will make him feel important, like he is needs.

    Answer by stitchintime at 4:31 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Don't tell him anything about the new baby because he won't understand, he is only 3.

    Answer by stitchintime at 4:32 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • He is old enough to be told a baby is coming. He needs some sort of preparation especially because it is a sibling. Get a couple of those cute big brother books and read it to him. He needs to have one on one time with you and your SO so he feels special. Plus praise when he does things right. He probably feels jealous of the 2 year old in the house. And it is going to be more stressful for him when the baby comes. Children do not know how to deal with this and can act out. I will continue below


    Answer by elizabr at 8:49 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Some of the best advice I got when my youngest was born was to make it all about the older child for a few weeks when the baby first comes home. Make him your "big helper" with all sorts of things like suggested earlier. And take him out to the park, to lunch, even just to play in the yard because he is a "big boy" and babies can't do this. It worked wonders for my oldest.

    Remember to give him plenty of hugs and kisses and always make him feel special so he does not feel replaced. I wish you all the best!

    Answer by elizabr at 8:53 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I do let him help with just about everything I do now, so that wont change, I just don't know how to make him understand that the baby needs a lot of attention. He wants to play with her stuff already (such as the swing and bouncer), I know he's just curious but when I tell him not to press the buttons or sit in them, he says " I'm a baby!". And it's not just those things, he says "I'm a baby!" anytime he doesn't get his way (he also says "I can't, I have baby!" (meaning he's pregnant)). I'm just really at a loss because he is already jealous of everyone and everything, and the baby isn't even here yet, like I said, I let him help with just about everything, and I even buy him something (even if it's just a piece of candy or a "soda") every time I buy something for the baby (just so he doesn't feel left out)!

    Comment by lilliedoll (original poster) at 10:22 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Kids sometimes react to a new sibling much different than you expect them to. With mine, they never acknowledged their new sibling until the baby began sitting up and crawling. Once the baby was an active little person, then we had jealousy issues. (Though it was surprisingly not about me, it was usually about their toys.) One thing that helps is to go ahead and start making your older child more independent. I'd also start making it a point to not try to entertain him every second of the day and make him wait for things like, more juice, or a snack when he asks. When kids get "jealous" of a new baby sibling, it is usually because they can't get their juice the second they ask because Mom is busy with baby. Or they are used to having Mom entertain them all day and suddenly they are expected to play alone at times. It is easier to work through the initial frustrations before the baby gets here to be less stressful on you.

    Answer by fancyjane at 10:59 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • when the baby comes let him help out with the baby some that will make him feel important and not left out

    Answer by mommie_of02 at 2:59 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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