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By Dan Coulter

Poor neurotypicals. Sometimes they just don't have a clue.

What's a neurotypical? It's a label for someone who doesn't have Asperger Syndrome or "AS." (I don't know who coined the term, but I first heard it used by Dr. Peter Gerhardt.) We can call neurotypicals "NT's" for short.

When an NT first encounters someone with Asperger Syndrome, he or she often sees quirky AS behaviors as a warning. "Opps, something wrong with this one. Better stay clear."

Many NT's routinely erect mental barriers between themselves and people with AS, without realizing they're walling themselves off from some really bright, interesting people. "Barrier behavior" can range - especially in kids -- from avoiding or ignoring people with AS to taunting, harassing or taking advantage of them.

Let's call this Barrier Behavior Disorder (BBD). Unfortunately, BBD doesn't tend to fix itself. So who's going to break down these barriers and free the neurotypicals?

Um, that would be you and me. If you're reading this, you've probably either got AS, have someone in your family with AS and/or know a lot about AS. There's nobody more qualified to enlist in the NT-BBD liberation movement.

While I'm sympathetic to anyone with AS who doesn't want to widely disclose the fact, I also know of plenty of instances where neurotypical behavior changed for the better after someone took the trouble to help an NT understand Asperger Syndrome and what it does and doesn't mean.

It's natural to feel awkward when you're confronted with something new and don't know how to react. So let's tell neurotypicals a bit about Asperger Syndrome and explain how to react when a person talks obsessively about one subject -- or makes blunt observations -- or can't seem to ever find quite the right words to say. They'll be much more likely to interact long enough to see some of the strengths a person with AS has.

What I'm talking about goes beyond disclosure. I'm talking about an education campaign that can make life a lot better for all concerned.

You can start on a small scale. Are you concerned about what would happen if the police stopped your daughter who gets very upset with authority figures? My wife got a very positive reception when she held a seminar on Asperger Syndrome for local police.

Does your son shop at a local store? Maybe you could offer to do a quick talk on AS to a gathering of the store's cashiers just before or after store hours.

It helps if you keep your presentation short (you can do a lot in 5 or 10 minutes if you prepare properly) and if you describe specific behaviors and make suggestions about dealing with them. For example:

If a customer is nervous and has a hard time finding the right words, it helps to be patient and friendly and don't rush the customer.

If a customer doesn't seem to understand a part of the checkout procedure (for example, gives a checkout clerk his money before the item he is buying) just explain in a friendly way that you need to see the item he's buying so you'll know how much to charge him.

Be careful not to talk to an adult or teenager having difficulties like you would talk to a small child, just explain things clearly in the same friendly tone of voice you'd use to give directions to an adult who didn't know where in the store to find the hardware department.

Of course, the idea for this education initiative didn't start with me. There are plenty of folks already out there helping neurotypicals learn about AS. But if you're new to the campaign, here's a tip: it helps to stress the benefits for both people with AS and for your intended audience when you're proposing presentations.

Most store managers, for example, should see the benefits of having their employees know how to deal with a situation calmly and avoid possible incidents where shopping is disrupted. Most police want to have good relations with the community and appreciate having accurate information when they deal with a person who has special needs. You're not telling people how to do their jobs; you're giving them information that will help them
make good decisions in situations they're likely to encounter.

A father recently told me that his teenage son with Asperger Syndrome got upset anytime they were driving together and saw a police car. The father said he planned not only to talk with the local police about AS, but that he'd ask if an officer would be willing to do a practice traffic stop. After some preparation and discussion, the son could drive across a parking lot and an officer could "pull him over" and help him practice the right way to
respond to a police officer in that situation.

What a good idea!

Which brings up another point. Asperger Syndrome support groups are great places to go for resources and ideas. (The ASPEN organization in New Jersey is an excellent example of an AS support and education

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Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • Thank you for sharing

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:31 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Interesting. I think that having store clerks know how to handle those types of situations would be very beneficial.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 7:32 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • :o) Those of us with on the children on the spectrum would love for the NTs to just accept and not judge. Thanks for sharing.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:36 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

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