Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Ex-husband replacing ds with his new baby

Ok, so before ex-husband got with his girlfriend he used to take ds all the time. He wanted to be apart of all of his school activities and everything. Well after he got with his new girlfriend, he stopped taking ds as much, and didn't really got to many of his school events. Then his girlfriend got pregnant, and things didn't change much at all until she had their baby. Now he hardly ever takes ds. He does not go to any more school activities. I almost never hear from ex-husband, and ds is asking why he hasn't seen his daddy. He feels like ex-husband has replaced him with the new baby, and it kind of seems like he has. What should I do? Should I say something to my ex, or just let him ruin his relationship with his son? My husband is a great role model for him, and is starting to take over as him dad, now that my ex doesn't seem to want him anymore.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (11)
  • Maybe it's not on purpose, babies do take up alot of time, I think that you should have a polite conversation with him, and explain how your son feels, give him a chance, if he doesn't change then I would have your husband be more involved. GoodLuck!

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:44 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I wonder if your ex realizes what this can do to your son's self esteem. It always affects children when one parent or another "ignores" them. I hope everything works out and your son comes through this okay.

    Answer by BrandonsMom1000 at 8:44 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • There really isnt anything you can do. I would write a letter to ex and make a copy of it for your own "file" asking him when he plans or if he plans to be part of your sons life. At that point the balls in his court. Or you can just let him go and maybe see about step parent adoption. You just be there for your son and tell him maybe dads been busy then change the subject. Kids figure it out on their own. My ex has seen his children 4-5 times since 1998 and they are basically all grown now. They dont like him much, and have figured out he is a loser on their own. My ex also has replaced his kids with step kids more then once (been married multiple times). Now he has 3 step dds and gives them anything they want, but cant manage to come to a bday party for his grandkids & complains when the kids ask him for bday gifts.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:45 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I agree with the first poster.


    Answer by Christine0813 at 8:52 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I would have a talk with his dad, shame on him for missing out. I feel sorry for your son.

    Answer by sta517 at 9:00 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Honestly, my first thought was that babies take up a lot of time! Maybe this isn't intentional at all. I'd get in touch with the ex and have a candid but polite conversation, and let him know that his ds is asking about him and wants to spend time with him and the new baby.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 9:25 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I agree with others, he probably has gotten caught up with the new baby in just the time factor. I would take the first approach as a very positive and proactive one telling him how your DS feels and asking if there is anything you can do schedule wise to allow him to spend more time with DS. If this approach doesn't work then perhaps its time to start initiating an action plan like the second post stated with documentation in case you need it down the road. Sounds like despite your seperation you still find him to be a positive influence as a Dad and especially with a hormonal girlfriend at home who will be his sounding board I would try to approach him as gently as possible at first and then work up to the sledgehammer.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 9:40 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • While he probably has gotten caught up with the new baby, it doesn't excuse his behavior with your son. Regardless of the new addition to his life, he still has a responsibility to his child. He may not even realize that he's done this. I would definitely say something to him about it, in a non-accusatory way and give him the opportunity to rectify this situation. Hopefully that will work. If not, then allow your husband to continue taking an active role in parenting him.

    Answer by KennsWifey at 11:28 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I would say your son thinks you don't love him. I know a new baby is a lot of work but can you talk to our son?

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 12:11 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Do you have set visitation?? I would go to court and get set days for your ex to take your son, whether it's once a week or once a month.  That will give your son some security and some structure as well as give your ex a set block of time to plan to spend with his son. 


    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:46 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.