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14 Bumps

Want to get physical, but scared of penetration - Help! adult content

I've nevr been raped or anything. I live touching and kissing all over and getting limbs into a total knot, but I am scared to death when I think of him getting inside me. Yes, I had sex before. But it's been quiet a while now. Been on my own with the kids for almost 10 years now. Somebody new came into my life and ... Oh man, my body is screaming for his touch! Yet I try to take things slow, because it would be awkward to get all turned on and them tell him: "No, sorry, we can't actually do it." When I think of it my guts cringe and my heart beats really fast. What could cause this? I can not think of anything. And how do I get over it? He's the sweetest guy ever.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • if im reading this correctly, its been 10 years since you've had sex? if that's the case no wonder you're anxious about penetration! after i had my first, i didn't have sex again for a year and i was really nervous about it. i was afraid it would hurt since its been so long. if it's been 10 years for you, it probably feels like your first time all over again. its perfectly normal to feel this way considering how long it's been for you. have you talked to your SO about how you feel? maybe just having him go slow and respond to your cues might help ease you back into sex!

    Answer by tnm786 at 10:59 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I think you may need to go see a woman therapists and just talk it out. I think you need someone to go slow and know you can stop at anytime and he wont be upset. Your bodies response it tense up and panic when you think about that. If you start slow and deal with the anxiety with breathing techniques and other relaxors you can retrain your body to have a different reaction to the thought of penetration. You could actually do this part alone without a partner. It is just like getting over your fear of anything else. You have to do a little, realize you are ok..over time each time you can push yourself a little farther.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:53 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Wow I am turned on for you. Have you tried telling him how you feel.

    Answer by dubewife at 11:25 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • WOW - you think it is simply because it has been so long for you? There are so many different angles here, clarifying questions. Just based on that alone I would tend to think there is a little more going on maybe you don't even realize? I would just be honest with him and let him know what you are feeling.......if he's a good man and WORTH your time and energy he will understand and it will be worth the wait. If not, then you will know your mind was ringing the warning bells for a good reason. How long have you known this guy? Is he REALLY a good guy or do you just "think" he is. Have you had this reaction before in life to anything? I'm a pretty intuitive person so when I experience something like that I try to make sure I'm not missing signs of some sort. If none of the above applies then maybe this is just the anxiety of NOT having sex for 10 years. :) Hope you get things figured out. Good Luck!

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 10:56 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • o wow... I really don't know, Have you talked to your dr? I really have no advice but here's a bump!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 9:53 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • This is extremly emotional, and ground breaking for you. You may need to work through some of these feelings with a professional. I don't think it would hurt for you to share with your partner what you have just shared with us. It will help him be understanding and patient. Share how badly you want to do this, and tell him your fears. If he's worth it, be straight with him. You may get your needs met better!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:06 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'd wait. Just wait. Maybe there;s another man out there for you or maybe this one is the one but yall need to wait. I am of the "get married first" belief.

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • honest engine here, its just like riding a bike. I was in the same circumstance having been divorced myself and not dating for a few years. Just go slow and you should be just fine

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • It helps to wiggle your feet cus you start concentrating on your feet instead of whats going on. It also works on getting shots.

    Answer by alisarahkylie at 12:14 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I met & moved to CA w/ my now current husband and shortly there after he decided we were going to wait until we were married. Ten months later, we got married & I was more nervous about that night than I was my 1st time I think. I think it may be because it has been so long for you.

    Answer by bethany49 at 12:44 AM on Mar. 15, 2011