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Step Son!!!

My 7 year old step son. Just told me he didn'thave to lison to me because i was not his mother. i don't what to do. this hurt me so bad. should i talk to his dad about this? how should i punish him? if i punish him will it just get worse.

I don't now how to Handel this anymore. Me and his dad have been married 5 years. so he was 2 years old when we got married. I don't even now where he got that hes never sead something like that to me before. i mean he hasn't listened before but never told me that.

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Asked by ad_mommy at 10:11 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (55 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I would not punish him, it will just make things worse- IMHO. Just continue to show and tell him you love him.

    Answer by meooma at 10:17 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • You can acknowledge you are not his mom but you are an adult that cares about him and when he is in your home he goes by your rules. He may just be testing you. Don't get angry. Just point out the rules that he needs to follow and tell him that you love him. Make sure he gets one on one time with you too so he knows he is special. And praise when he does things right. Good luck!

    Answer by elizabr at 10:23 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • by saying your right i'm not your mother but you are in my house and you have to follow my rules......and yes i think you need to talk to you hubby about it before it gets out of hand......

    Answer by cara124 at 10:27 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'd talk to his dad about it. He needs to make sure your SS knows that you are just as much in charge as his dad, and that he DOES have to listen to you.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:39 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • ah! a 7 year old.
    I've run into the same thing, but with a 7 year old girl. most of the time she's fine and loves to be with me, but when she remembers that she can't break the rules with me I sometimes get the line 'you can't tell me what to do, you're not my mommy.' I remind her that it doesn't matter if I am her mommy or not, when she is in my care I can tell her what to do. and I remind her that most of this is for her own safety.
    I have the backing of her father, so I would speak to dad about this.
    Try not to take it too personally, it probably has very little to do with you, I think this is the age where they like to test us and the boundaries of it all.
    I just stress all the time that I and her bio parents all love her very much, and the rules may not be fun, but it is for her own good.
    If it was me I'd have dad talk to him and see if anyone is telling him that, but otherwise have him back you. helps a lot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • My SD tried that before, along with the "My mom wouldn't make me do that" or "My mom said I don't have to listen to you!". And I told her "No, I'm not your mother. And this is not her house, so it doesn't matter if it's what you do with her. You will respect ME and follow our rules." A lot of kids in blended families try to pull that crap, because they think they can get away with it.

    Answer by laird6372 at 11:06 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • You definitely need to tell your husband so he can have a talk with him. We were going through the same thing with my step son and it will get harder before it gets better. Just keep enforcing the rules in your house and keep expecting him to follow them. GL

    Answer by aheuszel at 11:18 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I've so been in your shoes, and I know how awkward it is -- especially if there is an insecure or combative biological mother complicating things at the other end. Honestly, it's entirely in the attitude. The bottom line is while he is with you, he is in your care and he is your responsibility. Therefore, you have both the right and the duty to enforce discipline according to YOUR rules -- not his. Do not ASK if he will do something; TELL HIM to do something. Raise your expectations in your relationship to him. If he shows you disrespect, there must be consistent consequences. If he refuses to do what you say, there must be consistent consequences. Make a list of what you expect him to do and with that, the consequence he will face for failing to comply. Use firm and absolute wording when speaking with the child -- kids respond surprisingly well to being given absolute limitations and rules. Make sure dad is behind you!

    Answer by SnowLepp at 7:29 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Absolutely talk to his dad. Dad needs to set him straight that even though you aren't his mom, you still have authority.

    Answer by Pnukey at 7:54 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Talk to your husband.

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 9:44 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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