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What is the easiest way to break up with someone.

This is not just some fling. It's my fiancée. He's done nothing wrong and he is such a sweet guy. We've been engaged for a year and a half and I'm just not ready to get married. This is something I have just discovered. I'm not ready for a huge commitment. And I can't just end the engagement and say that I would rather cool things down. He lives in South Africa and I live in the U.S. One of the reason's we decided to get married was because it was the only way we could be together. It's too expensive to keep going to South Africa to see him, I've already spend approx $10,000 in trips to see him. Not to mention I hate the country. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve that. He is possibly the sweetest, most compassionate man on this earth. I just don't think I want to share a life with someone else. I want to see the world and have a bond with my daughter that's not tainted by someone else. How can I let him down the easiest?

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TiffanieK

Asked by TiffanieK at 11:33 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • There's no way to end things without hurting him. Tell him the truth and end it. If you really don't want to be in a long term committed relationship, then the sooner you end your engagement the better.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 11:35 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • He's going to be hurt. There's really no way to end a relationship without hurting the other person. The only thing you can do is try to lessen the pain. I would just be as honest as possible without being mean. For example, I wouldn't mention the part about wanting to be with your daughter without it being tainted by another person. Maybe something like:

    I really care about you a lot. But I don't feel like I'm ready for a commitment such as marriage, and honestly, I'm not entirely sure I want a relationship at all. It's got absolutely nothing to do with you, and I feel horrible for doing this. But I would feel more horrible to marry you and then divorce you because I'm not happy and I've made you miserable. If it's possible, I'd like to remain friends, but I understand if you don't want to.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:45 AM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Tell him the truth. He is the sweetest guy in the world, but you're not ready to get married. It's more fair of you to do that than to continue the relationship. He'll be hurt, he'll recover and he'll move on.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:24 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • There is no way to not hurt him. I'm sorry. But if he is as compassionate as you say just explain that you need to focus your life on your daughter and that you don't feel like it is fair to either of you to go through with this.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 1:23 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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