Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

BLACKMAILED INTO FATHERHOOD; Borderline women, and men who love them.

Borderline women, and men who love them.

By Shari Schreiber, M.A.

The phone call with news that you're going to be a father has come, and in an instant, it feels like the bottom of your world has dropped out. As anxiety overtakes you, you begin thinking about how you're going to extract yourself from this mess with a gal you've had a one-night-stand with, or have been seeing for awhile. Whatever the circumstances surrounding this unplanned pregnancy are, you will be paying for 18 years of child support, whether you marry that woman or not--and no court of law will let you off this hook.

I often wonder what our society would be like, if men could get pregnant. Would they be suing their former girlfriends or lovers for maternity? And how might women feel about being on the financial hook for eighteen years or so, providing for children they never wanted in the first place? I’m curious about how a female would handle being tied for virtually the rest of her life, to a guy she had a one-night fling with, just because he'd conceived a child with her. Sadly, this happens to males all the time--in fact, the frequency of this kind of injustice is staggering. It’s disheartening to think that women intentionally entrap men with pregnancy--and in this woman’s opinion, it’s a form of blackmail, and there ought to be laws prohibiting it!

The primary aim of this article is to caution men about dangerous women and entrapment by conception--but that's just the tip of this iceberg. Much of this material speaks to the terrible emotional torment that goes hand-in-hand with these affairs, so that men can make sense of their most troubling and painful relationship experiences. Whether you're single or married, if you are involved with a woman who's brought chaos and destruction to your life but you just can't let her go, this piece holds vital information for you.

Women who ‘entrap’ are typically bright, attractive/alluring, highly seductive and charismatic--but their moods are mercurial, and behavior patterns are extremely unstable. Relationships are characterized by an ongoing series of breakups or periods of distancing, and reunions. Wildly alternating relational dynamics (come here/go away) can feel confusing and emotionally injurious, leaving you with the sense that they either love you or hate you! Within the same day or hour their perceptions of you can shift dramatically--and you'll be feeling adored/idealized or devalued/criticized/rejected. These behaviors and traits are consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder, and there's more:

Borderlines are narcissistic--but you'll also observe other problems, such as; desperate attempts to gain attention, intense/irrational abandonment fears, lack of empathy, extreme jealousy, lying, poor impulse control, extramarital affairs, drug/alcohol abuse, hypersexuality, 'crazy-making' interactions, low self-esteem, rebound relationships, passive-aggression, cognitive distortion, self-harming behaviors, eating disorders, panic/anxiety issues, OCD, suicidal ideation, pervasive neediness/clinginess, emotional volatility, stalking, etc.

This next section on forced paternity holds critical information for all males, but if this isn't your immediate concern, scroll down and familiarize yourself with a variety of BPD issues that were shared by men who've struggled just as you have, and recovered. If your affair has abruptly ended, read this first; AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline.


Tremendous advancements have been made in the field of contraception, yet countless males are still being trapped into marriage and/or fatherhood, and the repercussions are vast. Historically, females never wanted to be pregnant out of wedlock, so men have naively continued to hand the issue of birth control over to their partners. While it's the responsibility of both parties to insure against conception, males are easily seduced and infinitely more vulnerable to getting entrapped than they believe--particularly when their voiced concerns/queries are met with assurances that, “it’s safe.” Think this won't happen to you? Think again!

Women with agendas to have children give men no say in this matter, and are often looking for a ‘free ride’ in terms of financial support. They could harbor significant abandonment wounds from childhood that cause them to frantically grasp at opportunities for emotional security, so having a man’s baby insures that he cannot sever all ties with her, if he needs to leave. But ask yourself this; would an emotionally sound female want to keep a guy around, knowing he doesn't want to be there? Conception doesn’t “just happen,” and with very few exceptions (such as rape) I’ve always believed that if a woman is clear about not wanting to conceive or mother a child, she won’t. Ambivalence is too often the cause of unwanted and 'unplanned' pregnancies.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Health

Answers (6)
  • laughinghow many does it take to get pregnant again? 


    Answer by tnm786 at 12:01 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • this whole new fad about "trapping" men is so lame. i dont care what any woman says, if he does not want a baby he needs to wrap it up or don't have sex.

    Answer by tnm786 at 12:03 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I hate when people write articles and name a personality disorder and somehow convince themselves they know a thing about psychology lol.
    In any case well, last time I checked it takes two to tango and unless the mans been living under a rock his entire life then finding out his mate he had sex with might be pregnant shouldnt be a shocker. It can happen to anyone. I am sure most women of unplanned pregnancies are a little inconvenianced themselves, but hey, we stick around.
    Oh and yeah women do pay child support too. I want and love my son, he lives with his dad. I pay child support.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:19 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Women need to be less afraid to tell the guy to wrap it up. How many of us had the thought line of "Oh I really want him to wear a condom...but he might get upset or it will kill the mood then he won't like me and he will go after someone else that doesn't ask...I'll just keep quiet." at one time or another?

    Step up now, ladies- because getting him to step up later is just going to be a fight.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 12:20 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • yes but there are woman out there that do behave that way i know because it happen to my son for hole yr she keep on saying the child was his till we did dna test and found out he was not the father ,this broke his heart to find out the love of your live had some else child broke him ,so all men like this no they will stand by their woman but few men will walk .you can not change boy to become a man it is when he becomes a father stands up for his kids he becomes a man

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:24 PM on Mar. 14, 2011


    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:27 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.