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How can i help my stepson from being disrespectful. rude. sneaky and a theif?

m y stepson has lived with myself his biological father and his younger sister for 5 years now and he is just so bad all the time. we have tried the grounding him for a short period of time from the tv and games with a stipulation with what he needs to do to get back on track. he just doesnt care if he isnt doing something that benifits him he is not happy. he has now resorting to stealing money from our wallets and showing no remorse for it. we gave him the ultimatium of not having dinner with the family if he didnt return the money and he chose to keep the money and disrespect his father and i. his father even started crying and it didnt even affect him he is so bad all the time hes not even doing his homework we are getting calls from teachers hes kicking other students when asked why he said cause i wanted to. the most famous answer whe asked why is "i dont know" or " i dont care" help

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (17)
  • therapy.
    lizdixson

    Answer by lizdixson at 5:21 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I would never have given him a choice to give the money back, i would've made him and if he still didn't i would've tore apart his stuff looking for it. Maybe counseling would do him so good, sounds like there is something deeper that is going on that you don't know about.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 5:25 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • There is something going on with him. It could be as simple as he is from a split family. He is the perfect age where depression and drugs are convienient remedys to escape painful thoughts or feeling. He needs to be seen by a Dr first to ruule out medical issues or imbalances. Then you need to find a good couselor for him.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:25 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • is that the answer for everyone. i appreciate the answer and opinion. but i dont feel that therapy is always the answer i had a extremly rough childhood and dint ever need therapy i feel like its an excape goat for parents not to have to deal with problems. i want that to be my last resort thats why i signed up for this site. i was hoping for other answers that therapy no offense.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:27 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • For a teenager not eating supper with the family is not a punishment. Does he have a cell phone, if its under your plan cut it off. Put passwords on anything that uses them. Strip his room to just having his bed, everything he has is a privilege and can be taken away. If he steals again call the police.
    cdnmom24

    Answer by cdnmom24 at 5:27 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'm sorry, he stole money out of your wallets, and your biggest threat was "you can't have dinner with the family"??? Hell, if my son did that, he'd be grounded for a month, at least! He's just a kid, he shouldn't have the option of "choosing to keep the money". Turn his bedroom, his clothes, all his personal possessions upside down until you find that money!

    But yes, I agree he seems completely out of control, therapy might help, there has to be a reason behind his acting out, aside from the usual hormonal changes.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:28 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • If he's between the ages of 9 and 12, he is not too old to spank, and that's exactly what I would do for him. He has never been taught to be respectful, not even of his own father. I'm not excusing the boy's behavior, but I can certainly see how he got in the shape he's in now. He is plenty old enough to understand rules, and I would make some rather stiff ones for him. One rule we always had at our house was if you got in trouble at school for any reason, you would be in much more trouble when you got home. By the time they were this age, my husband was administering the spankings, especially those need for being disrespectful. If you have problems doing this, ask yourselves if you would rather spank his bare rear end or go to visit him in prison, because that is precisely where this boy is headed unless measures are soon taken to stop him. All it will take is for him to steal from someone who presses charges!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:31 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Okay, I'm going to have to disagree with NannyB. Spanking is NEVER the answer. And not spanking will not land him in prison... Sheesh! Yes, the boy needs more discipline, obviously. But physical violence is never the answer.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:33 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • i agree with everyones concerns we have frounded him and stripped his room and yes we did tear his room aprat and yes my husband did spank him for the first time ever.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:35 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • let me also say that my husband felt horrible after he got spanked and i dont think he will do that again, we just arenot the type of parents that spank. heck the boy hasnt watched tv in about 4 months cause veerytime we go to unground him for behaving good he does something bad to get himself grounded again.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:42 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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