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I really need to know why he does this every few years

Well my husband wants to end things with us, but he has done this before and we've been off and on for almost 8 years. So why does he do this? His mom and dad had a bad marriage but I think that he feels like ours is the same in some way. How do I get him to try to beat his problems, I don't want to separate I want us to work. Should I just give up or should I fight with everything that I have? I love him very much and he is the only guy that I've ever wanted to be with. He says that its just him and that he doesn't want to be with anyone right now, he doesn't want to be in any relationship. Is he afraid? Am I scaring him because I love everything about him and I except everything about him whether it be good or bad.? This just really tears me apart. What is wrong with him, am I wasting my time trying to save the most special relationship I've ever had?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • well, for some people, how they're parents were, is the way they think that a relationship should be. others, on the other hand, prefer to have it the exact opposite. For instance, my dad has been divorced going on 3 times, but i don't want to be like that, me and dh take our vows seriously. i saw all the hurt he went through, and i don't want that for myself. but others, if they were in my situation, may have not seen the hurt, they probly would just see this, and think that marriage is supposed to be like that. so it could be that he learned this from his parents.

    i could be way off about your husband, since i don't really know the whole situation. i would just sit and talk with him, and try to understand his point of view on things, talk it over. if you both think that you need to get some counsiling, then don't be afraid to get some!
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 1:29 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • My husband and I have been going through the same thing for years. I love him and can't picture my life without him. He, though he is a good husband, get all weird every few years and wants some time apart. Each time I gave him his "time" it turned out that he would end up seeing someone else. I'm not saying that's what's going on but it IS something that's making him do this. Either that or he is just not good at being commited. Either way, it really sucks for you and any kids you may have. The only thing I can say is: if this is where you choose to stay then this what you have to look forward to for the rest of your life...always wondering if he really loves you...always wondering when he's gonna change his mind. I wish I could help you more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I had the same stuff going on with my husband for the first half of our twenty year marriage. I finally had enough and I threw him out and it was only then that he worked his ass off to try and repair our marriage. He said that he did what he did 'cause he knew that  I would put up with it since I put up with all his other garbage throughout the years. Do yourself a favor and stop being so accommodating. This is no kind of life for any one. Separate and do so on your terms. If you keep putting up with this type of behavior, he will be playing you for a lifetime.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I agree with the above replier. My cousin was horrible about doing that to her hubby and finally when she left he told her to stay gone. He eventually let her come back home and she never did that again. In my opinion you can't leave a marriage to fix it.... you gotta stay to work on it, it can't be done from a distance unless there's violence involved and it's unsafe to be together. I'd tell him that if he goes this time that he's not coming back, that it hurts too much.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:57 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • My marriage lasted 10 yrs and only bc we took those breaks from each other! The guy I see now does it as well and I'm ok with it. Does your h have a personality disorder? There are some that touch on that condition, not wanting to be with anyone for a while, they just want to be alone. Sometimes when ppl get too chose they feel engulfed and want out. They usually come back. It's not a personal thing against you. It's just a survival thing where they want to be alone. It actually works well for me. Think of it as he wants to be alone in his "man cave".
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:26 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • do you think hes need to cheat when he leaves you .maybe thats his way of getting to go out with other people ,i have a sister in law who leaves her husband every three years and stays gone for about three to for months to have an affair ,right now she got this man to leave his wife and kids just two go out and party,so maybe its because he needs it some were else.good luck wish u all the best
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

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