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2 Bumps

What would you say next time this happens?

My DD's fathers gf insists on being notified in advance if she is sick. DD is 4, they have a child just under a year. I have been accused of trying to kill their baby before and after his birth when DD had a cough at their house. She wasn't even sick at those times, I don't even know if she was really coughing because she didn't around me. Now DD has a contagious rash, it's really nothing, but I told gf so she would know. Then I get a ton of texts about how it effects the baby and later I was accused of lying about how she got it. I've tried dealing with BF, but he claims not to have a phone. I do my best to avoid all contact and really only do when DD is sick. I just think I shouldn't have to deal with the girlfriend overreacting or have anything to do with the baby. Of course I wouldn't want him to be sick, but all I get is crap when something is wrong(or supposedly) with my own child. I really don't mind giving them a heads up, but I'm really tired of the drama.

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camiam81

Asked by camiam81 at 7:57 PM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I wouldn't engage her at all. Let her think what she wants to think about how your child got sick. You informed her she was sick, done deal. I would let her say her silly accusations and then say, okay, well, just wanted to let you know, thanks. BYE.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 7:59 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Stop dealing with the girlfriend. If the father doesn't have a phone and her phone is the only way to get a hold of him, just call it and ask for him. I would refuse to speak with her other than that.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 8:00 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • tell her to get over it. lol. you're doing what she asked you to do so she just needs to deal with it and stop being such a drama queen.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 8:00 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Yes she has no rights to speak to you so just ignore her. I would just tell your ex that you refuse to have any contact with her and that you will only speak to him from now on. Let him deal with listening to her bitch.

    Kids get sick it just happens. and the passing of germs will go both ways. If she is that paranoid what is she going to do if they have another baby? lol *rolls eyes*
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 8:05 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Consider that it is possible the baby has a health condition they don't want to talk about. Cancers, immune disorders, blood disorders, and some genetic disorders can make a baby extremely susceptible to serious illness at the smallest exposure to communicable conditions. Those exposures can be life-threatening to a sick child when they would mean nothing more than the sniffles to a healthy child. They may not want to tell you this because they are ashamed or even jealous that you have a healthy child with no problems. Even if this is a pure control tactic by the baby's mother designed to shut your daughter out, the reality is the father is allowing it, and that speaks volumes. All you can do is respect their wishes and do everything possible to protect your daughter from being hurt by it. Believe me, in the end, your daughter will know the real score.
    SnowLepp

    Answer by SnowLepp at 8:10 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Simply tell him that if he wants to see his kid that he needs to get a phone of his own. A pre-paid tracfone cell phone that allows the basics - calls and texts - is like $10 - then another $10 to get minutes. It really isn't that hard. Then you only have to deal with him. He can deal with his new GF and child in his own way. If there is a health condition then he will need to man up and deal with it eventually. I understand wanting to let her father be a part of your daughter's life, but he has to want to be a part of hers too. Good luck
    NHRachel

    Answer by NHRachel at 8:15 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Stop dealing with her. Go to the court and have it put in the custody arrangement that you are to deal with him, not his flavor of the month.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:21 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I will give you a combined answer, because there are many views to this. First take into consideration that the baby could have an illness that dpes make him more suseptible to other things. Second, DD chooses to let his new girlfriend run the show so to speak. I would call and ask to speak to him. If he isn't there leave a message for him to call before they pick up your daughter. Third, make sure you don't say anything bad at all about her DD. She only has one and loves him. She will figure it out in time, so there is no need for you to tell her. To the new girlfriend, her baby is more important, but your daughter will also figure that out. There is one more thing you could do and that is tell your ex that she is sick and perhaps she should stay home. Then let him give his view. Maybe he really doesn't worry so much, but does not want to cause trouble with his gf. Good luck!
    GiGito1SoFar

    Answer by GiGito1SoFar at 8:34 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'd never call the girlfriend. If dad really wants to see his child he needs to contact you and the two of you make arrangements. Personally, I would tell him she is sick every weekend just to keep her from having to go to there. I couldn't help but worry about how she is treating your daughter..
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I'm on the other end of that (my husband has an older daughter, with a not-all-there ex). I tried being friends with her, to make things pleasant with them so we could see his daughter. Trust me, it never goes anywhere. You don't need to deal with his girlfriend about things pertaining to your guys' child. She's meddling. I'll be the first to admit that I made that mistake with my husband's BM...it's just not my place. Even if I'm trying to help, which sounds like the opposite of you BD's girlfriend. If he doesn't have a phone to contact, why do you send your daughter there? You two should be dealing with each other directly, not thru his girlfriend.
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 9:05 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

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