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2 Bumps

Should I be bothered????? (vent)

I had a sister that passed away 20 years ago today. Well my mil also passed away on this day 2 years ago. My dh expects me to wait on him hand and foot on this day. Which I totally understand, I lost my mom not too long after he lost his. It's just that he said I shouldn't be as bothered since I lost her so long ago. She was still my sister and we were very close. Should this really bother me or just suck it up?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I'd tell him to go sit on a tack... grief has no expiration date!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 8:52 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Why should you have to wait on him,he only mourns her one day out of the year? I know today is the hardest,but still....
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 8:52 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • My Dh's mom passed away 5 yrs ago from diabetes complications, my mom passed away last October from liver failure which the doc didn't know why her liver failed. Its still real hard to try and accept she gone and there are still a few people tell me to 'buck up', and the fact u lost a big part of your family. Everyone experiances grief different, but the fact your Dh only chooses 1 day a yr?? I don't get it. My Dh misses and mourns his mom everyday, although not as bad as it was after iut happened. But like GiGito said, u 2 need to sit down and talk, even if it means handcuffing him to a chair.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 9:14 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • The death of our mother's is very hard. Most of us go thru that grief, so why are you waiting on your husband?
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:54 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • That would bother the hell out of me. Have you spoken to him about how that makes you feel?
    JustCantWait88

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 9:01 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Have you tried telling him that you still miss all the things about her that made her special? Tell him what they were. If he won't talk, write him a note that acknowledges his pain and then explain how you feel. Don't let it eat at you. If you have a decent marriage, you don't want to make a wedge, but he DEFINITELY needs to know how you feel. Grief has to be walked through, just like anything else and the loss never goes completely away, it's just not always at the front of the pile.
    GiGito1SoFar

    Answer by GiGito1SoFar at 9:03 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Why don't the two of you work to help each other mourn and try to help each other get things done or wait on each other instead of arguing over who has more right to be upset.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 9:24 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I have lost my mom, dad and two sisters. So I know about those bad days. I would like to be there to help him through those days. It would just be nice to have that done in return.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I sorry for your loss. He should be there for you too. My parent past away along time ago and There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of them. My mother loved  flowers so every spring I plant a flower for her. My best friend past away a 8yrs ago and I still miss her. You should tell him how you feel.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 9:23 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Why do you have to wait on him that day at all? I agree that it's a somber day and grief is more present on an anniversary, but why do you need to wait on him? Perhaps you should explain to him that you both should be attentive to each other more on this day.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:45 PM on Mar. 15, 2011