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Weird family drama rears it's bizzar head...

Ok, long story short, my DH and his dad are on the worst of terms, DH hates his dad for a long history of abuse that I won't get too deep into. What little I know of my FIL makes me kind of afraid of him. So here's the weird thing; it's DH's birthday today and I got a message from FIL and his wife (he and MIL divorced more than 20 years ago) and they want me to wish him a happy b-day and tell him they love him, they also send their love to me and DD. They've also requested that I add them on facebook. Now, under different circumstances it wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't think twice about adding them, but because of DH's strong feelings I don't want to just add them and start a fight with him, especially on his b-day. I don't really know these people aside from what he's told me. Any ideas/advice/etc. out there? I don't want to be rude, but I REALLY don't want to ruin DH's b-day.

 
heratyc

Asked by heratyc at 10:05 PM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (962 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • I suggest you share this exact same story with your husband. Together you can decide what to do. Good luck.
    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:06 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Tell him tomorrow. And don't add them on Facebook. You certainly don't want to become the middle man for past and future problems.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:08 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I would stay out of it. You should take your husband's word that they aren't people he wants to associate with and stand by him. There's no reason for you to have any type of relationship with them.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 10:20 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • I kind of want to let him know that they contacted me, but I really don't want to tell him tomorrow either, it's our anniversary tomorrow, so either way I go I'm either feeling like I'm ruining an important day or hiding something from him.
    heratyc

    Comment by heratyc (original poster) at 10:23 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • And he'll probably be upset that you didn't tell him as soon as it happened too.
    I'd consider not mentioning it to him unless he has a way of finding out on his own that they contacted you.
    dmdblleb

    Answer by dmdblleb at 10:25 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • Are you willing to let him find out on his own that they tried to contact him via Facebook? I would just tell him that they wished him a happy birthday. I would also tell him that they want to be your friend on there but, you decided not to because you respect his feelings towards his parents.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:06 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Ok, so I told him about it, he wasn't happy but he wasn't upset with me either. He's not comfortable with them looking for him so he deleted his account. He's ok with me talking to them as long as I don't give them too much information, especially about DD, which I'm ok with since they're more or less strangers. I don't know yet if I'll add them, I might not, but I'll keep them as up to date on things as he's comfortable with. Thanks for the advice guys :)
    heratyc

    Comment by heratyc (original poster) at 1:24 AM on Mar. 16, 2011

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