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2 Bumps

13 yr old troubles adult content

My 13 year old son has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder and well, he brought a jack knife to school March 7, 2011, plus made a threat to slit a student's throat, plus drew a picture of the student with a knife through his head. 

He is suspended from school indefinitely pending a meeting on March 21st where the school will discuss whether or not they feel he is a threat to students and staff and whether my son can return to school.

So, his 'march break' started early. The plan was for my son to go to his father's (by court order for half of the march break) but he wanted to go early so I let him.

The other part of the plan was for my father to pick up my son tomorrow (Tuesday) and bring him to his place to help out with some work around the house (to pay off the big $1265 porn bill he run up on my cable tv bill).

I called my son tonight to let him know my dad will be there tomorrow and of course now he doesn't want to go.

My son's father then called me and said 'well he doesn't want to go so he doesn't have to' Well, true in a way I guess BUT that was the plan and we should be sticking to our plan.

My x also says I can't go there to pick my son up at all, nor can my dad go there either.

Court order says 'only half the march break' my x says too bad.

He is adamant on keeping my son there for good. I called the police. The police told me that my x can not do that and if we have any issues to give them a call back. So, we will see what happens tomorrow.

Here's what I want advice on. Even though I know it's BS. My x is saying that because my son has always lived with me that I am the one who taught him to lie. That I taught him to watch porn, that it's my fault he brought a knife to school and made threats to slit a students throat.

My son has told his father (and his father's family) that I leave him home alone all night, and that we come home most nights at 2 or 3 am, and that that's why he's so tired all the time.

I can't believe my son would tell such lies! This is not true! I am home all the time, except when I go for groceries, to pay bills, and get coffee. I am so disgusted! 

His father and his father's girlfriend have been saying things to my son for years about getting him to live with them. The girlfriend asked my son 'if he were living with them would he still love his mother' Now, what kind of question is that?

You see, I've been trying to set some rules here in my home (just me and my son living here) and teach him what responsibility and respect is, I've given him a few chores and he feels I'm being unreasonable. So, because of setting some rules, he wants to move out.

I have an appointment made for June for my son to see a counselor. The guidance councelor at the school is trying to help me get the appointment bumped up so we can get in sooner.

Other than what I'm doing already to help my son, I don't know what else to do.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Mar. 14, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (6)
  • I dont really know what advice I could give but *Hugs*, you could try looking else where for counseling so you could get started sooner...Hope things get better!

    Answer by kayaiden8907 at 11:52 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • My brother also has ADD and ADHD. He is 16 and he has done some very bad things as well such as running my moms credit card online ringing up about $2000 in charges, he has stolen money from my moms and my grandmother's purse, and other things. He is on medication and has been for a long time as well as he sees a counselor/therapist. I am not sure what else besides waiting for the counselor you can really do. I am sorry you are going through this children with these conditions are harder to care for. GL momma and keep your head up.

    Answer by Bamzakarat at 11:58 PM on Mar. 14, 2011

  • It is your ex's fault, but it's yours too. You didn't do it on purpose and it's easy for things to end up this way when parents split. It's not because you are doing these things he is accusing you of. It's not because you have been a bad mom or are being unreasonable. It's because you and your ex are not in unison when it comes to your son and your son sees this. He knows that you are not on the same page and he uses this to his advantage. You need to talk to your ex about this. If he doesn't agree or shrugs it off, ask the courts to require the three of you to go to therapy together and work this out. And his girlfriend shouldn't be talking to him about that stuff period. It's not her place. Express that concern as well. GL mama. And I hope you can work this out. You're son really needs you two to come together. :(

    Answer by MamaStuart at 12:00 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Im not sure but maybe its genetics, has anyone in your family been diagnosed with a mental illness? Maybe there is history of mental illness on your ex's side?

    Im sorry that you have to endure that and all I can say is I symphathize with you, my daughter is 13 and is causing me grief too, not as bad as your situation but Im afraid of what will come. We are doing therapy and medicine and the process is a joke. Its a very long, exhausting process if you dont have a good therapist. I think counseling is good, but there should be another way that is less frustrating.

    Good Luck

    Answer by alisarahkylie at 12:24 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • id personal let my son stay there with his father it would save me the trouble of having to deal with him anymore if thats where he wants to be and seeing as he is 13 it should be up to him!

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 12:29 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Children always want to be with the parent that offers them the most at the time. Let your son go live with his father for a while, he will send him back when he realizes how much work it is. That's what happened for years with my step daughter. Whenever she got in trouble at one place, she wanted to move back to the other. NIGHTMARE. It really is important to be on the same page with your ex but sometimes exes are psycho and it's not possible. Definately go to counseling for yourself mama, so you can get through this! God bless;)

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:03 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

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