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Would you be upset if you were on vacation and your mother-in-law came and cleaned your house without asking or telling you?

My mother in law came to the house and cleaned it while we were on vacation. We asked her to come in and feed the fish and turtle and that was it. She cleaned the kids rooms, the kitchen, bathroom, living room... she even placed baskets around my house for our junk piles. I appreciate the gesture of trying to help us out but I feel almost violated... Should I be upset?


Asked by Melodi at 9:46 AM on Jul. 9, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (85)
  • I would be very offended actually. Unless you house is a complete disaster or you asked for her help cleaning it, it is not her place at all to clean your home. I would feel undermined.

    Answer by kristyeddy84 at 9:46 PM on Dec. 31, 2008

  • I wouldn't be upset at all. I'd be grateful.

    Answer by idahospaz at 9:51 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • My mother has done things like this. She'll come over to baby sit and when I come home the house has been cleaned. I don't mind usually except she'll put things where she thinks they should go and won't tell me. So when I need to use something I have to search the whole house for it. *sigh* She'll also rearrange things. Really annoying. I don't know how to talk to her about it because I know she's trying to help.

    What I suggest (and what I should do myself) is to talk to her about it. Let her know that you really appreciate the help but would rather if she had asked you first. Let her know that you mean no offense and that you're sure she didn't mean to offend. But it is your house and your more than capable of taking care of it.

    Answer by amethystrse at 9:52 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Honestly, my mil cleans my house all the time. She is a neat freak. Somedays when I go to work, she comes to my house in the morning while the boys sleep and then when they wake up she takes them to her house. Anyway, she cleans while she is waiting. I think my house looks fine, but it is dirty to her. She never says so though. When I had my first son, he came early, unexpectly, I still had thanksgiving dishes in the sink and the laundry so was piled up. The house was a mess. I was so tired, I was still working full time. Anyway, my mil and sils, cleaned my house for five hours while I was in the hospital and didn't tell me. It was such a nice suprise to come home too.

    Answer by JamieLK at 10:03 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Well... would you feel differently if it were your mother doing the cleaning, instead of your MIL? There's a certain amount of space violation going on, especially if she is in YOUR room doing the cleaning. Anywhere else, I'd be fine with. I'd be beyond grateful for, actually. But I can see where you'd feel a bit put off about it.

    Answer by CreativeSpirit at 10:06 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • be grateful - I'm sure she meant it as a helpful gesture, and not as a put down. she's had kids herself - she knows how hard it is to clean when there are children in the house, and she gave you a nice surprise - a clean house - to come home to.

    Answer by lawmom623 at 10:13 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Yes, I would be upset! My house is clean and it is my job to keep it clean. I don't want anyone rearranging my shelves/pantry ect., to please them. I wouldn't want anyone in my house unless permission is given and I have given them the key. It is an issue of privacy. I wouldn't want anyone nosing around in my stuff and you know that is exactly what they are going to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • I was upset when my MIL did it! I am bipolar and having someone come into my territory and mess with it makes my skin crawl....literally. I have a very good relationship with my MIL. I have come to understand her and vice versa. She still will clean my house whenever we are away on vacation but she always tells me what exactly she will do and she has not gone over that boundary since. My MIL just likes to help us. With me being in school, working, home business, 3 kids AND a dog (and hubby lol) she knows we won't ever have a sparkling house. So she just tries to help us out once in a while. I am sure that your MIL was just trying to do the same. So being upset is understandble, but talk to her about it!

    Answer by SensualScents at 10:33 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • unless you find things missing, take it as it was meant. as a gesture of love, done specifically to make you happy when you walk through the door. i'm guessing that she thought that after travelling wiht hte kids, you might actually appreciate not having to come home to a mess. she probably thought she was helping you to relax when you got home. don't complain. buy her jewelry.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 10:34 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • Send her to my house!! i understand how you could be upset but she was just trying to help you out...just talk to her about why she did it and tell her next time you would like it if she asked first

    Answer by mommadent at 10:37 AM on Jul. 9, 2008