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Should i let my dad in my kids life?

My father has never been a real parent to me. He never wanted anything to do with me until i turned 18 under the excuse i was not a boy. His family never really treated me well and i grew up hating all of them. He says totally innapropriate things at the wrong time and they come out as insults. I do not want him really in my kids life ( Shes due in Jan) because im afraid he may hurt her as much as he hurt me. My dad has never been supportive let alone given a damn about anything ive done and now exspects to be in her life. My father has already tried to force his opinions on me on how to raise her. Im not willing to give him a chance but would like other opinions on it...Do not bash me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think the decision has to be yours. If you really do not want her to know her grandfather then that is up to you. I know that when I grew up my mother did not like my grandfather, my fathers dad, but we still saw him. As I got older I learned to make my own decisions about him and my mother never said anything bad about him.

    It is a hard decision, and I think you have to be happy with whatever you decided. You do not need to be more stressed at this time in your life.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:32 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • OMG.......That is the same thing my father said to me, All i know is that i won't let him talk to my kids because he has never been in my life so he dosen't even know me yet and he only comes around when it is convienient for him and my kids don't need that. My stepdad has been a better grandfather than he has ever been

    Good Luck with whatever you decide and if you ever need to talk email me.
    4kids1970

    Answer by 4kids1970 at 7:38 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • My real dad was never a part of my life. He died before he ever met his grandkids so I didnt have to face that question. I think I would allow them to meet him but not play a big part in their lives. Its so damaging as a child when one parent doesnt recognize you or give you the love they should. I just think I would not want to risk my kids going through that.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:11 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • The decision has to be yours, just because you are having a baby doesn't give him automatic rights to his grandchild. If he can't respect you as a mother then you are better off with him out of your life.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:23 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • It's your decision. My real dad was never in my life and than when I saw him one day out the ten yrs later and I have a baby girl whose 2 never even heard of him and I ran into him again.He treated her like gold, like he could start over again with her if I would let him. I gave him a chance cause shes young but after that day he hasn't came around since and I didn't lose anything and my child within hurt cause she didn't know him anyway. He had a chance and messed up and will not get another unless she requests it. Ask the old saying goes "sorry for ya"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Nobody can tell you for sure, but you said he didn't have much to do with you because you were a girl--well your daughter will be a girl, too, so he may not be very interested. On the other hand, he may have learned a little in the years since you were born, or he may have had a hidden beef with your mom that he won't have with your child. If he sees her while she is really little, like under 2 yrs old, and he says hurtful things to or about her, you can put a stop to the visits without upsetting her or her even remembering him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • i always was closer to my mom than my dad. My dad treats my baby borther like gold and lets him get away with murder and does not correct him when he does something wrong. I dont think its fair that he thinks he can have automatic rights to my child when i cant stand him. He doesnt respect me as a person period and i dont want my child knowing what that is like. He thinks he is better than anyone around him and puts other people down constantly. Just last night i went over there for dinner ( at my moms request) and watched my dad smack my brother in the back of the head..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • try a few visits and watch and listen close ,if you feel its not going the way you want then theres you answer ,because you no hes not going to change.wish you all the luck,kid come first dont forget
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • it's completely your choice. my dad was very strict and a bit of an a-hole to me and my siblings and my mother when we were young. he would smack my sister in the head whenever she did something "stupid" including having her mouth open from not being able to breathe. when i turned about 25, i was fed up with my dad's sarcastic nasty comments to me (nothing was ever right) and said "HEY! i might not have the values or goals you would like but that's just tough shit." since then he and i have had a very mutually respectful and good relationship. close even. with my daughter, i was worried, but he spoiled her and only once was too strict with her. people can change, but they don't necessarily. don't be afraid to state your boundaries.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:46 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Here is my opinion.....you raising your child, is the most important job you have ever had or will have. If you think he would not be a positive influence in your childs life.......keep him away.
    MamaDiane

    Answer by MamaDiane at 11:24 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

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