I moved in with my boyfriend last year. We both have children of our own, mine are 20, 18 and 17 and my 17 year old lives with us as well and to date there haven't been any issues on that end. He has two children, his 19 year old is in the military but he has a 4 year old daughter he has visitation with 2 days a week and every other weekend. Some issues have arisen and I would like some help on how to deal with them. The first thing that seems to be the hardest thing to deal with is that he allows her to sleep with us every time shes here. Mind you, she sleeps in the middle of us. She does have her own room and bed but he refuses to even make an attempt to have her sleep there. His mother, who is a wonderful woman also has his daughter sleep at her house to on occasion, but his daughter has her own bedroom there and bed as well and his mother makes her sleep there. I know this may sound selfish but on the weekends and nights shes here, I do not sleep at all. She is all over the bed, punching and kicking and of course sleeps closer to me because he is a tosser and turner as well. Also as you can imagine there is no intimacy what-so-ever when she is here because he refuses to make her sleep in her room. She has asked many times to start sleeping in her own room but for some reason he will not even attempt to start this and gets very mad when anyone mentions she should be sleeping in her own room. My question on this issue is, how do I talk to him about this without him continuing to get all defensive and mad? Again I know I sound selfish, but how long do you let this go on?
The second concern I have is that when his daughter does stay with us, his demeanour changes. He is cold, quiet and distant with me. Not anything like he is with she is not here. Now mind you, he does not act this way with her, he is very loving and caring with her but for some reason, our relationship changes when she is around. Why is this? I am not jealous but it does get a little annoying knowing that when she is about to come for the weekend, he will not be acting like he normally does and it makes me wonder why. I do admit I get very irritated when this happens and I know it shows and I don't want him thinking I am jealous or mad but why does he change when shes around?
I guess I will wind this up with one last note. When his daughter is here, she is the queen of the roost. Shes not a horrible 4 year old but he in no way tells her no about anything and if that does happen, she throws a temper tantrum and starts crying and within seconds he will give in to whatever she was asking for. Mind you most weekends we spend watching cartoon 24-7 and the minute he goes to turn the channel for something else, she will start demanding he turns the cartoons back on, and of course within a few minutes of whinging and crying, they are back on and stay on forever. The same goes with the eating situation, he will not insist she eat normal meals with us, instead shes aloud to pick and eat garbage all day because again he refuses to enforce anything on her. She will ask for snacks and no sooner then he sits down from getting those, she is asking for something else, to which he dilligently waits on her and gets her whatever she asks for, but she does not have to eat any normal meals with us ,EVER!!!
Please send some help and answers for me as I am concerned these will lead to bigger issues than we have now. Thank you
Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:14 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by elizabr at 8:21 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by jodi205 at 8:23 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by meooma at 8:34 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by elizabr at 8:45 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by elizabr at 9:35 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:49 AM on Mar. 15, 2011
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