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How do I deal with my stepsons mother when he tells his dad and I that he doesn't like her or want to go visit her?

He is 13 and has lived with his father and I since he was four!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Mar. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Find out exactly WHY he dosnt want to be there. If it's only because she dosnt let him run wild or have everything he wants then to bad. His Bio mom is legally entitled to visitation.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:31 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Have him detail what he doesn't like about going there. Her treatment of him, the things they do together, the home environment, what she feeds him, etc. If any of it is questionable I would look at getting visitation amended.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:32 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • :( Thats is so sad.
    Maybe you can suggest to his bio mother that she take some family counseling with her son.
    You can't fix thier relationship...she will have to and if she wants to..there are ways..but thats on her.
    Poor kid. Glad he has you and his dad!
    Good Luck!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:32 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • She has had visitation but she has a history with drug abuse. She doesn't treat him like a 13 yr old and she tries to treat him like he is still four and he even tells her she is crazy. He is protective of me and she lashes out when things in her world fall apart!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:35 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I agree with PPs. It is imperative to find out WHY he doesn't like her and doesn't want to go see her. Is it because she is strict and makes him toe the line....or is there neglect and /or abuse going on there? Who else lives at bio Moms house? Is this all the sudden...or something that has been growing for years. If it is anything other than She has rules and requires he follow them consider a petetition to amend visitation. He is plenty old enough to tell the jusge how he feels and why.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:37 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • If she has a court order for visits there is really nothing you can do. A history of drug abuse is nothing to the court if she can take a drug test and pass. If he doesnt want to visit then all you can do is ask for a modification of visitation by the courts and he can tell the judge why he doesnt want to visit. Before that though I would maybe sit and see what is going on and if they may have just had a disagreement. I always have encouraged my kids to have a relationship with their dad even if he was a jerk/past druh user/etc because that is still their dad. They cannot run from a relationship with them no matter what they do. They have to learn to deal with them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:39 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • We have been through the mill with this. I don't know if I am right or wrong but sometimes it is so hard to keep my mouth shut when he ask me "what is wrong with her?" or "do I have to go?" or "Im only going to shut her up and can I come home early?" and he texted me the whole time he is with her. I think honestly that she knows that I have a better relationship with him and his 20yr sister than what she does. Does that make me the bad person because I excepted the kids and love them just as much as she does. I have never once interfered with her relationship with either of them but she still lashes out at me and the kids look at me like "why is she acting that way"?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:43 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Believe or not, I am the strict one!! Both kids talk openly with me but, sometimes I just don't know what to say when the question their bio mom. I have kept from bad mouthing her most the time but sometimes it is just hard to keep my mouth shut!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:48 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Is it ok to tell him it is up to him if he wants to visit her or not? When he doesn't want to visit we tell him we do not care if he stays home but, he has to be the one to tell her he isn't coming! This is sometimes the reason for going but not staying for the entire visit. Just to, as he says, "keep her from acting crazy"!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:51 AM on Mar. 15, 2011

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