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2 Bumps

Confronting In-Laws about their disrepectful behavior

There has never been a trusting relationship with In-laws due to their need to be disrespectful of me to other family members. They have over stepped their boundaries in several areas and I allowed it bc my DH was not able to see my view at the time. After some counseling we have been working to see each others views and be supportive.

I have decided that in order to clear the air with the In-laws that I need to confront their disrespectful actions towards me. I have only a few areas that really have been over the top and feel that I need to state my part/feelings on these topics.

In addition to the discussion I feel that is wise to setup boundaries to prevent a continuous cycle of disrespect from continuing within this relationship. I am not sure if I ask them why they feel the need to treat me with disrespect or if I should just state my boundaries politely with them. I don't want to open the door to unneeded insults from them.

Helpful Advice would be appreciated.

 
Aries46845

Asked by Aries46845 at 3:46 PM on Mar. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,091 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Sorry Nanny - I disagree with being respectful to someone because they are older than you? That is ludacris. You don't demand respect, you command respect. I would set up your boundaries and leave it at that. If they are out of control as you state on some issues then inviting an opinion as to why they are disrespectful will only open the floor for dysfunction. Set your boundaries and stick with them. Your husband should take the lead here since it is HIS family, however, if someone is being disrespectful to you then you have every right to address it in a calm, matter of fact way.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:56 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • You just tell them how you feel and tell them because of that you have the following boundaries to insure no problems can come up again.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:47 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Considering I have no idea what is going on and how they have been disrespectful to you I can only make the following suggestions:
    Definetly take the time to discuss your feelings with them, but be aware that they are likely not to understand your view just as your husband did not in the beginning. Be patient with them and your husband. I'm sure you've heard it before but, make sure that what you're fighting for is worth it. Re-evaluate what they have done, how it has made you feel, and whether or not it is grounds for the type of reaction that you gave it..... if it is than by all means it is worth discussing. Definetly try not to be accusing and say things like, "I feel this way about this".... instead of "You always treat me like crap..."
    GOOD LUCK
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 3:54 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • you said it yourself how you should handle this situation. but maybe ask them first why do they feel the need to be disrespectful to you. what caused them to act that way. was it something you did and never apologized for? or was something you said. find out and then tell them how you feel and if they continue to do so then my suggestion would be to not interact with them anymore. don't go to family gatherings if that is the way you are still going to be treated. and if your husband doesn't stick up for you then that is sad.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:55 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Confrontations are usually ugly because the other person feels attacked. Would a letter allow you to outline where you feel you've been disrespected and set boundaries without the face to face showdown. If your words were carefully chosen there is no chance of "she said this or that" to third parties. No instant insult for retaliation. I so know where you're coming from. I've had the same Monsters in Law for 30 years. Good Luck.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:58 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I am assuming that your in-laws are older than you. If that is the case, then you should respect them simply because they are older than you. If there is anything that needs to be said or any air that needs to be cleared, your husband should be the only one to handle it. Anything you say or do will only stir the pot and make matters worse. There's no need to clear the air. All you need do is start over as of today, and if anything happens from this point on that is extremely bothersome to you, you should tell your husband and he should be the one to discuss it with his folks. If there are any boundaries that need to be set with them, it is your husband who should tell them what those are.Your job is to love their son and his is to deal with his side of the family. If he chooses not to do that, then if I were you, I would consider from that point how I should handle it in the future, still knowing that you will be the baddie
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:00 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • just be honest & polite & ask them why do they disrectpect you & why are they always treating you this way that you dont like it im sorry there doing this to you i hope everything works out for you
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 5:10 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • so what did they do that was so disrespectful?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:19 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

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