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PLEASE BE HONEST WITH ME !!!!!

I have a situation where me and my ex ( who is also the father of my child) ended our relationship with a custody battle. He ended up keeping my son and not returning him untill i filed with the courts.( majority of which was his mothers actions). we dated for 3yrs and I have been knowing him since we were in middle school and im 27 now. We recently started communicating this month, and I try to stay away from him because i know i still love im and in a way would like for us to be together again someday. Our relationship was good and he is a good person. He doesnt do everything a father should do but he is trying & making an effort its just taking him longer to adjust to the fact that hes a parent now and that his child comes first. During the custody hearing things were said out of anger and he has said sorry to disrespecting me an my mom but my family wont let things die down. I feel like im in the middle what should i do

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TristensMommy1

Asked by TristensMommy1 at 10:42 AM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (17)
  • THIS IS AN ADD ON TO MY QUESTION ABOVE. HE ATTENDED MY SONS 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY YESTERDAY AND EVERYTHING WAS OKAY UNTILL THE END. WHEN HE SAID HI TO MY BROTHER MY BROTHER PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE. AND THINGS WENT OUT OF CONTROL FROM THERE. I JUST DONT THINK MY FAMILY SEE'S THINGS FROM MY PERSPECTIVE YES I STILL LOVE IM AND WITH THAT SAID ITS GOING TO TAKE LONGER THAN 2MONTHS FOR ME TO GET OVER HIM BUT THEY FEEL LIKE HE DOESNT NEED TO BE APART OF ANYTHING AND THAT I NEED TO MAKE A CHOOSE WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS CONCERNING MY SON EITHER ITS THEM INVOLVED OR HIS FATHER. AND I DONT WANT MY SON TO GROW UP LIKE THAT HAVING HIS FAMILIES DIVIDED ITS NOT RIGHT. MY EX SAID HES NOT COMMING AROUND ANYMORE AND THAT ALSO MAKES ME FEEL BAD BECAUSE ITS ALL ABOUT MY SON AND EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT!!!
    TristensMommy1

    Answer by TristensMommy1 at 10:49 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • when people split up, many times they are not capable of having shared celebrations. you may be, he may be, but obviously your family isn't. your family needs to let you learn how to live your life on your own. sounds like you are buying into the victim role... his mother, your family, etc. how inappropriate for your brother to cause such a scene at your son's birthday! how sad for your child. i think you need to work on getting your head together and work with the needs of your son's father instead of selfishly expecting him to want to be with you and put up with your family because you have a hidden agenda. you will much more attractive as a mature person living her own life...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:54 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Yes they see him in a different light then you. You said you are still in love with him, right? They aren't in love with him. You see him in a love type way, i could get back with him. They see him as a bad guy who did you wrong.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:55 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • you need to stop relying on your family for advice and figure out what you think matters. you need to tell them what you expect from them and stick to it. if your ex sees you being out from under the influence of your family and acting on behalf of your son and being mature and responsible and drama-free, then you two can figure out if there's a chance. but the drama has to end first and your families both need to butt out.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • FIGARO8895 ....THANKS FOR BEING HONEST WITH ME, I SAID THE SAME THING TO MY BROTHER IT WAS VERY INAPPROPRIATE FOR HIM TO CAUSE A SCENE AT MY CHILDS PARTY AND I AM STILL PISSED ABOUT THAT. I DONT HAVE A HIDDEN AGENDA AT ALL WE BOTH ENDED ON BAD TERMS BECAUSE OUR FAMILY GOT TO INVOLVED BUT WE STILL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENT
    TristensMommy1

    Answer by TristensMommy1 at 11:10 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • LOUISE2...THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT ALSO. AND YES THE WAY MY FAMILY SEES HIM IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT BUT IF WE ARE ABLE TO GET ALONG FOR OUR SONS SAKE THEN I FEEL LIKE MY FAMILY NEEDS TO LAY OFF.
    TristensMommy1

    Answer by TristensMommy1 at 11:17 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • i have been where you are at and i think you feel like you love this guy but somehow i get the feeling it's more of a love hate relationship that you guys had. you guys have known each other this long and still no real commitment on either ones part, meaning he is still selfish. being that he can't see how ignorant it is to stay away from his own son and then there you are wanting him to be there. which tells me yes you are still hung up on him but maybe not cause you are seeing things clearly. i thought i loved my ex husband very much and my family disliked him and he did me wrong but i did mention he is an ex. i couldn't get over the fact that he never came around for our kids and everything else pulled him away.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:29 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • i get the impression that he's still is not grown up enough to realize that he has a lot to deal with cause of the mess and decisions he made regarding you and your baby. he is not thinking for himself or the baby but what he gets influenced by like his mother. can he really stand on his own 2 feet. you need to set your parents straight about what you want from him and what you expect from them. i don't think this man can follow through with what you expect from him and i think you need to try to let go but still welcome him to see the baby when he wants too but i bet it won't be much cause i think he would come by more to see you then his son. he has yet to let you go too but i don't think he is man enough to be everything you guys need.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:29 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • just watch how he behaves after you let him know that right now you want nothing from him but to care for his child. see what happens. will he show up if your not in the picture? or at least believes your not.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:30 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I'm glad u did not get offended... sometimes when I am honest people take things harsh. if u split up because of your families, sounds like you both need to get yourselves together. can you find a way to stop being so driven by your birth familes and find a way to make the family you started? does he want to get back with you? can you both sit down and show your families they are hurting your son and hurting you both and that you have tried to be respectful and show their opinions matter, but it has gone too far and you want their blessing to live your lives as you choose and make a family and a life of your own? you must demand their respect. if they choose not to honor it, can you two make it work without them (for a time until they come around)?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:42 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

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