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2 Bumps

Once again Autism is dictating my life.

We were going to go out to a nice family dinner and as we were getting ready to go DS flipped out and started screaming his head off about where we were going to eat so we talk him to knock it off or we weren't going. Well, guess what. We aren't going. God help us when my toddler is old enough to figure out her life sucks because her brother rules the house. I mean if he is upset and doesn't want to leave the house then he makes you regret it if you make him. So much for family nights. We get maybe one a month when DS allows it. It's not fair. How do I make myself not constantly feeling angry at him for ruining plans. I know it's not all his fault but good God ONE peaceful evening a week is all I ask. ONE trip to the grocery where I'm not strategically planning so he doesn't have to come.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Mar. 15, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • *HUGS* I'm so sorry.. I have no advice but sending you many mommy hugs!~
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:06 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I dont know what to tell you. My son has autism and I accepted my child was different and that life was never going to be normal or easy. His disorder did and still dictates our home sometimes. Again, I just reminded myself he is a child with a disability.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I am so sorry. Your life is not easy. Neither is his. I am wanting to be angry with you, but I also know that you are not all wrong to want a normal life. I do not know what the solution is. Just spending the last five minutes trying to think what to say, what to suggest is so frustrating. All I can suggest is that you look for a support group of other mothers who are in much the same situation. ((((Hugs))))
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 5:09 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Yeah well how do you explain to a 3 and a 1/2 year old that no we are not going out now even though I promised you spaghetti and meatballs now we have to stay home and eat eat PB&J because I didn't make it to the store and your brother doesn't want us to leave the house tonight.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:11 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • They learn with time. I have 5 kids and none of them hate or resent their brother. In fact, they are better people for having a brother with a disability. They have alot more empathy then some people.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:12 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • feel so bad for her. She is going to grow up feeling so unloved because we are constantly changing plans based on DS mood. It's not fair to anyone especially her. I would have never had a second child if I had known about his diagnosis I never wanted to put her in this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:13 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Perhaps you should give your son to someone who will not resent him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • You might want to consider counseling to deal with this as a family and learn coping skills and ways to not "blame" your son.. although I understand what you are saying, you can't very well have your daughter growing up like this either but at the same time, you can't tell your son or make him feel everything IS his fault because he is autistic.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:16 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Perhaps I'm allowed to resent him every once in a while. I'm allowed to take a break form bending over backwards to get him everything he could possibly need and making constant adjustments to our lives just to keep him happy all with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I'm allowed a night, okay? good.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:18 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • *hugs* I'm sorry. This must be so frusterating for you. You are allowed to feel angry, it is a natural emotion. I wish you the best and if you need to vent you can always message me!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 5:22 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

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