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How do i help my best friend thru this?

she's going thru quite alot she's having major back issues to where she is losing her lower limbs,her dh won't work he feels he's overqualified for everything so even w her back she has to work her ass off,her mom is not nice to her at all,she has money problems and lots of bills and tons of stress. She's supposed to have back surgery but is procrastinating on seein the surgeon cuz she don't have the money but she's willing to end up in wheel chair paralyzed? I have given her tons and tons of advice and it seems she has an excuse for everything and argues w the advice given but yet still wants me to give her advice...idk what to even say anymore...How do I make her realize her health is really at stake she's constantly loosing feeling in her legs and collapsing she cries when she stands up because the pain is so bad it runs from her back to the bottoms of her feet. She can't get on medicaid due to hubby not being a citizen he's just a resident alien and will lose his green card if she does get these services..the dr. won't see her unless she has the $300 to see him but she won't borrow money cuz she can't pay it back..anyone have any ideas to get her to listen?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Mar. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (2)
  • you can't "force" people to take your advice - sounds like she is just cycling through the dysfunction in a circle and there is probably nothing you can say to snap her out of it. I listen to my friends, offer suggestions if they ask and then watch them turn around and cycle through everything again and ask me the same questions and then I just say I don't any new answers for them and you have to hope she'll get it one of these days. I've been that person that had to learn from her own mistakes and complained and moaned but "took him back" or did whatever again a million times and then when I got past that, I looked back and said "how did my friends ever put up with me". Just be her friend but not to the point where she is emotionally steam rolling you - if it isn't a give and take relationship thats not good. If it's only you listening to her issues all the time - then you need to take a good hard look.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 5:35 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • 'She can't get on medicaid due to hubby not being a citizen he's just a resident alien and will lose his green card if she does get these services.'

    I imagine you've already told her this, but this woman really needs to make a choice. why anyone would choose a man over their own health is beyond me.
    She sounds like my mom. she's miserable, but won't do much of anything to change that.
    sooner or later you need to make your own decision on what you are going to do?

    have you asked her what she wants to do? maybe there's help that she wants and is hoping you will offer, but is afraid to ask?
    maybe if you asked if there was something she wants you to help her with.
    may be a start.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:44 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

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