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Am I being selfish?

Hubby's bro lives with their mom... has no car, no job. Mom is an enabler & will put up with alot... always allows them to fall back on her. For some reason apparently he needs a place to stay. We are struggling financially, have one car to share, and DH is out of work. On top of that, bro drinks all the time & we try not to - not a good scene. Plus they drive me nuts when they're together and DH gets distracted from TCBing... It's not like I don't want to help, but I think we will be put in a bad position if we take him in, in many ways. DH just sees it as his bro needs help. He listened to my concerns, but I don't think he "heard" me. Now he wants me to be the one to tell him no, which I think is unfair. We have no details about what the situation is. I just think it's a bad idea, but it's family... help!


Asked by figaro8895 at 11:38 AM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,251 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Then I would just tell him, "I love you but we are not in a position to have you stay with us." I assume he's a grown adult. He's not your responsibility to raise. It sounds like it would cause major issues within your home. He may be mad at you for a short time but they will get over it.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 11:47 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • NO, you are not being selfish. My BIL is a raging alcoholic! He lives in my basement, gets loud and violent and is just a horrable angry person. My husband feels guilty because he is "sick". There is no other family and so we can't pawn him off. I have 2 small children and I HATE him being around them. If you have other family that is willing to take him in, LET THEM! You have a family to worry about and trust me you don't want to live with what I do...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:41 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • DH needs to tell his brother not you...and if he is a drinker....keep him away!!!!

    Answer by Dannee at 11:44 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • DH needs to take his "bro" aside and tell him to grow up. It's not sleepover time anymore.

    And you know you're not being selfish, so why ask it that way?


    Answer by Wimsey at 11:44 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Wimsey... i don't know... i have been helped by many people in life and i am all about giving back and taking care of the people i love. thank you for reminding me that taking care of myself is not selfish, but my responsibility...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:51 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • sabrina... i tried to make this point to my husband is that if he wants to help his brother then he needs to make his brother grow up and take care of himself. their mother hasn't done that in the past, and i don't know what the deal is now that she is either unwilling or maybe she's just giving him an ultimatum about getting a job, or for all i know she just stays on him... i can't see her ever just kicking him out... bro is cool to me and respectful, but they shout over each other and his bro is just miserable.... ugh. i work hard for peace in my home and it's hard enough to come by.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:56 AM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I do not blame you! You are not being selfish your thinking of the best interest for your family. I understand this is your husbands brother, but sound like your in no situation to be taking care of another person. Your husband is out of work, his brother does not work. It would be one thing if his brother had a job and could financially help you out. Why did his mom kick him out? he needs to be encouraged to get a JOB. Good luck to you


    Answer by mommiedear at 12:16 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • There is a difference between helping someone who NEEDS it and helping someone who EXPECTS it.

    This guy is a freeloader, a drinker, and a bad influence. His MOTHER is kicking him out. Do you really think that he will be an asset to your house? Do you really think he will change? Contribute?

    "Bro" needs to GO. Live on his OWN. Pay his OWN bills. Be his OWN person.

    Answer by Wimsey at 12:26 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • you could let him live with you but set up some rules like no drinking and stuff

    Answer by teresalangston at 1:13 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • DH and I had lunch. I agreed to let him "visit"... with rules and with the option to back out at any time. Hubby called him and they decided to have him stick it out where he is. : )

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:03 PM on Nov. 24, 2008