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The guilt is killing me.....

Our financial situation is not very good at all right now. We are getting some $ back from our taxes, enough to get rid of some bills. The problem is that my husband does not know about any of it. The reason being is that a year ago he had an extremely bad episode with his bipolar and was practically suicidal. During that time he was uanble to even function. I got a job outside the house at a hospital (I also work from home as a medical transcriptionist). He was laid off at the time for 9 months. I wanted to keep all bad news away from him since I was fearful that it would put him right back to where he was with depression and episodes. I have heard that nothing triggers an episode like $ problems. So I have been keeping all this to myself, staying up at night worrying about paying the bills. He is back at work now but I figure it is going to take a long, long time to recover from a 9 month lay off. I want his head clear to just go to work and do his best so I have been keeping all this to myself. I feel like I was protecting him mentally. Sorry this is so long. I walk around with guilt every day for not telling him. While he was laid off I used all our savings to cover expenses; I guess i just assumed he would know how the bills were getting paid. I'm not sure if I am just doing this to myself or not. I worry now about telling him because it has been 5 months since he returned to work and I feel like he will not forgive me for not telling him. The only things I spend money on are bills and food and whatever my son needs.
Thanks for listenign.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Mar. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • The best time to approach something is when someone is on the upswing. They tend to handle it better so take it slow. If possible talk with a counselor about how to bring it up. I'd also read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. That might help as well.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:04 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Honestly? I do not think that this is something you should be suffering alone. Your hubby will have to eventually deal with the stresses of life, and he should be aware of money problems. I think you can give it to him lightly, express that you are confident you can both work through this, and that him having a job now is SO helpful! Try not to put the blame on him bc of his layoff, but I believe he needs to be aware of your financial situation.

    Answer by Tarrar at 8:05 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • You did what you had to do to pay your bills and protect your husband at a fragile time for him. There is no reason to feel guilty. You will get back on your feet with the bills, just keep working at it. GL

    Answer by parajumper3 at 8:08 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • I agree that he should be aware of it. I never blamed his layoff, he has an unstable profession and we have always lived like this, we are up and then down and then up and down. I want him to know everything, I believe that most of my stress is that he doesn't know. We all have money issues and we deal with them. I am just nervous that he won't forgive me and that this will cause a huge rift in our marriage. I love my husband and don't want to hurt him or put him back in a horrible mental state.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:10 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Aww, I l admire your courage. This is a great question. I'll bump your question.

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 8:19 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • Its better he hears it from you rather than a creditor!

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 8:20 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • IMO you have nothing to feel guilty about, he shouldn't either, you do what you have to do to survive, pay the bills however you can. Money is not important, you guys are and your marriage is. If he gets mad at you, he has no right to.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:23 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • You took care of things, you did your best with what your options were. Your husband will have to understand and absorb the news and just deal with it as you have been dealing with alot. Don't be so hard on yourself you should be giving yourself a pat on the back for being a good wife I think and strong. GL to you both.

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 8:38 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

  • i think he would forgive you. it's not malice what you did and it was to protect him. i think he would so lucky to have a wife like this. i often times get super nervous about telling someone something and then when i face it it wasn't as bad as i had imagined in my mind. your probably and most likely stressing over nothing.

    Answer by melody77 at 9:02 PM on Mar. 15, 2011

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