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What would you do?

My husband had an affair that lasted about a year(this was about a year ago). Recently I found out he has been talking to her again through email and phone calls. He said it was only to be nice and not hurt her feeling and to protect me (so old wounds would not be open again). He swears nothing sexual happen but I really have a hard time believing him. This affair was a real relationship: leaving me in the hospital to go see her,buying birthday gifts for her children, she even moved closer to him. Should I leave and be done with this? I have tried so hard to make this marriage work. He is now turning this on me (I am ungrateful, too demanding, not supportive). I just need some advice.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Nov. 24, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Oh wow you poor thing! I believe in second chances so i will not say you should have left him the first time but there is no reason he should still be talking to her he doesn't want to hurt her feelings well what bout your feelings? I say leave and be done with him.
    teresalangston

    Answer by teresalangston at 1:05 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He has no right to blame anything on you. Once you have forgiven him for cheating, he needs to know that he needs to appreciate this ONE chance. You really should let him go, actually he needs to let YOU go. He doesn't deserve to be having you as his wife. Seriously, get a divorce. If the affair lasted a year, how can you ever be sure they can just "talk" without sparking up the old flame? Good luck!
    sweetvietchic

    Answer by sweetvietchic at 1:06 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • He said it was only to be nice and not hurt HER feelings...As hard as it is...I would be done..
    How can you trust a man that does not put you first..He is no good....
    I know that it is easier for me to say because I am not in your shoes, but once sham on you twice sham on me....
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:07 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/703904/Is_he_cheating
    runawaybunny

    Answer by runawaybunny at 1:26 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • If the first time he was having the affair with her was his first affair, then I can see why you were willing to forgive and move on. But at this point, to me, it's pretty clear he's not fully committed to you. He should not be worried about hurting her feelings; he should be worried about hurting yours. And if he didn't want to open old wounds for you, then he shouldn't have started talking to her again in the first place.
    I think you have to give yourself a little time to think and listen to your heart. If you think you need to leave him, do so. If you think you need to give him another chance, then I definitely think you need some counseling, both of you. He also needs to cut off all communications with her: change your phone number, cell numbers, e-mail addresses, everything.
    I'm sorry you're going thru this.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 1:35 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • oh wow. leave his ass.
    NATTY567

    Answer by NATTY567 at 1:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I would be done. There is NO reason whatsoever for him to be talking to her anymore. I don't care what reason he gives, more than likely it's BS reason anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • he is taking you for granted. i don't think i could stay if mine did that to me. i would leave. he shouldn't care about her feelings and should only be caring about yours. which i fail to see here. you can be a total bitch and he should not be taking you for granted like he is and how dare he turn things against you. do you want to be happy or not cause he is not getting it. is it really worth all this? i doubt it
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:46 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • I think I'd tell him that you can't accept his further contact with her. That if he cannot let her go, then you and he are done. I wonder if marriage counseling would help?
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:57 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

  • Do you not have a "gut" feeling? Cheating is the ultimate in my mind..I would have divorced him sooner! This man does not respect you or treasure you as a female or wife..wtf..Go..Leave..Be done with him!!
    sydsmom2

    Answer by sydsmom2 at 5:03 PM on Nov. 24, 2008

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